About Trust
by DiDiGlee
Summary: Sequel to Trust Is A Flexible Word. Recovering from an abusive relationship Kurt finds it hard to trust himself or Blaine or anyone around him again. Then he gets challenged as a contender in a TV show to be the next 'Fashion Hero'. On top of that, he has to deal with the advances of Blaine, Adam and Andrew. Who is able to win Kurt's heart?
1. Chapter 1

**About Trust**

**Sequel to **_**Trust Is A Flexible Word**_

Recovering from an abusive relationship Kurt finds it hard to trust himself or Blaine or anyone around him again. Then he gets challenged as a contender in a TV show to be the next 'Fashion Hero'. He has to work hard to compete with the other contenders and stay focused. On top of that, he has to deal with the advances of Blaine, Adam and Andrew. Who is able to win Kurt's heart for good?

* * *

**This is a sequel to my story **_**Trust Is A Flexible Word, **_**but you can probably read this without knowing the first story. Here's what you need to know: **

**SUMMARY of **_**Trust Is A Flexible Word: **_

One year after their break-up and not being in touch, Blaine moves to New York. He finds out that Kurt is in an abusive relationship with an older guy named Andrew. Andrew is short-tempered and strikes out when he is provoked. Feeling like he's failed in his relationship with Blaine, Kurt goes down a self-destructive path. He turns to hurting himself, and being with Andrew is just a way to keep being hurt, physically and emotionally.

When Blaine finds out, he tries to get Kurt out of this vicious circle. Blaine meets Chandler who is friends with Kurt in New York. In the end Kurt accepts his problems. He leaves Andrew, but he's not back together with Blaine. Kurt doesn't trust Blaine or himself just yet to get back together.

Blaine lives with Rachel in the loft in Bushwick, because Kurt had moved out to live with Andrew. At the end of _Trust Is A Flexible Word__, _Kurt moves back to Bushwick. He goes back to Lima for a two-week break.

* * *

**This fic features CHANDLER as a friend of Kurt, Blaine and Rachel. **

**This fic will also include ADAM****,**** who is still a NYADA student but also a fashion designer wannabe. There will be the idea of Kadam, but eventually it's going to be Klaine. **

**Please no hate and no bashing on either **_**Kadam**_** or **_**Klaine.**_** Thank you!**

* * *

**WARNING: self-harm, violence, physical and emotional abuse! Also occasional smut! **

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Don't worry, any song from Wicked is absolutely fine," Rachel was just saying loudly into her phone. "With Wicked, The Sound Of Music and any Barbra song we're on the safe side. You just need to start worrying when he's coming up with anything from Les Miz," she happily passed on her expert opinion. "And probably Sweeney Todd, because let's face it, the majority of Todd songs are pretty sad. Oh, you're welcome. Call me again if I can be of any help. Bye!"

With a happy smile Rachel danced towards the couch on which Blaine had taken residence with his textbooks, shuffling through a stack of notes to work on a paper due the next day.

"Who was on the phone?" Blaine asked with one brow raised, twirling a pen in his fingers.

"That was Burt," Rachel explained with a big grin and plopped down on the couch next to him. "Guess what! Kurt's singing again! Only in the shower for now, but singing nonetheless. Burt was worried because the song sounded kind of sad and he doesn't want for Kurt to feel sad and lonely. Getting Burt to tell me _which_ song Kurt was singing exactly was a tough cookie, but eventually he was able to hum the melody and it's Defying Gravity. I told Burt that Kurt singing Defying Gravity is a _very_ good sign. That calmed him down."

"That's good," Blaine agreed with a fond smile. Kurt had left to Lima a week ago and although they were texting and talking on the phone, Blaine couldn't help feeling useless. He wanted so much for Kurt to be happy again, to be able to laugh and smile again. But when they were talking and joking around, the sound of Kurt's chuckle still sounded shallow. _It'll take some time for him to heal_, Blaine told himself over and over again.

The doorbell rang and Rachel jumped up to open the door.

"Delivery service!" exclaimed the blond boy wearing a green hat, big nerdy glasses and a contagious grin. "I got everything you ordered, Ms. Berry."

"Great!" Rachel enthusiastically clapped her hands. "Come on in, Chandler!"

"First I went to that Italian place you love so much, Rachel, and got your favorite vegetarian lasagna, then I got some spicy Mexican specialties pour moi and last but not least I got Chinese for Blaine," Chandler narrated while handing out the food. "And because I pre-ordered I could pick up everything in time and everything's still hot."

"Good, I'm starving!" Blaine put his textbooks aside and cleared a space on the couch for Chandler while Rachel brought some brown pop from the fridge.

"Did you bring the DVDs?" Rachel asked.

"Yup! Evita and Chicago," Chandler said, rummaging in his satchel and holding up the DVDs.

"Very good!" Rachel praised and dug into her food. "Oh, I just love onion rings," Rachel mused out loud. "The best part of being single is the food, you know. I can eat onion rings without worrying about my breath, because no one's going to want to kiss me anyway." She smiled, but her smile dissolved and she choked on a sob. "God, I hate being single."

"Me, too," Chandler said with a sigh and a sympathetic pat on Rachel's knee.

"Yeah, me, too," Blaine joined in the self-pity party, but earned himself some skeptic looks.

"You've got Kurt," Chandler said, popping an onion ring in his mouth.

"Not really," Blaine countered. "I don't really know where we stand right now. I promised Kurt I wouldn't rush him into another relationship."

"Still, you two just belong to each other," Rachel pointed out by stabbing Blaine's arm with her fork. "Even when you're not together."

"Even I can see that," Chandler said with a huge hint of jealousy in his voice.

"I just hope that's still true," Blaine said, munching away on an egg roll. "I kind of feel like we've lost that. With all that happened between us, Kurt has become distant towards me."

"You can't blame him," Rachel piped up. "Give him time to come to terms with himself, before he's able to be with you again!"

"I do that!" Blaine assured her. "It's just not easy to resist sometimes. When he's near me, I want to kiss him so badly that it's hard to hold back. And when we're talking on the phone I always want to tell him that I love him, but I'm not sure if he wants to hear it, so I just choke it back."

"Yeah, I totally get that," Chandler said with a sigh, and blushed when Rachel and Blaine looked at him with raised brows.

"I guess I'd better put the DVD on," Chandler said and quickly got to his feet.

"No, wait, first Blaine's needs to break open his fortune cookie!" Rachel insisted happily.

"All right." Blaine opened his cookie and read the prophecy on the small piece of paper.

"What does it say?" Rachel demanded.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall," Blaine read.

"...in bed!" Rachel and Chandler added in unison and laughed hysterically.

Blaine smiled. He wasn't sure how this had happened, but somehow they all had become pretty good friends. Chandler was easy to hang out with and Blaine could see why Kurt valued him so much as a friend.

* * *

"Any news on Kurt?" Chandler asked on Saturday night a week later. "Isn't he supposed to come back this weekend?"

"He didn't really say when he'd be back exactly," Rachel said. "I'm guessing he'll be with us tomorrow, so he won't be late for work on Monday. How do I look?" She twirled around in her black dress, curtsying in front of them.

"Gorgeous as always," Blaine said, standing next to her in front of the mirror, working on his bow tie.

"He'd better be back in time to prepare for the fashion designer show," Chandler said, adjusting his tie. "Or else he'll be at a disadvantage."

Both Rachel and Blaine turned to stare at him wide-eyed. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn't he tell you?" Chandler asked, his eyes growing even bigger behind his glasses. "There's a young fashion designer competition starting next month. Kurt passed the application procedure and has been chosen as one of only ten young designers to participate in weekly challenges. Isabelle has promised to help him set up his collection, it's publicity for Vogue, too, after all."

"Wow, that's just amazing!" Rachel was speechless. "Why hasn't Kurt told us about it?"

"It probably slipped his mind with all that has happened lately," Chandler offered. "Also, I could imagine he wouldn't want you to talk him out of it."

"Why would we want to talk him out of it?" Rachel asked incredulously.

"Because of Andrew, of course," Chandler said, like, _duh. It was the most obvious thing in the world._

"What's it to do with Andrew?" Blaine narrowed his eyes.

Chandler arched his brows at them. "Didn't I mention that Andrew is in charge for a TV documentary about the whole thing?"

"No, you didn't," Blaine said through gritted teeth. Just the mention of Andrew's name had him on the edge.

"Well, Andrew will be accompanying the wannabe-designers with a camera team in the process of creating and making their own collection. The show runs for six weeks and every Saturday the contenders have to present their work at a fashion show with a nameable jury."

"It sounds like a huge step into a fashion career," Rachel admired.

"Sure," Chandler replied. "But after all that's happened between Kurt and Andrew I was wondering if Kurt's still doing the show."

"He can't do it," Blaine stated. "Not if Andrew will be around. I don't want that shithead to talk to Kurt ever again."

"You can't _forbid_ Kurt to do this," Rachel said, sticking her finger into Blaine's face.

"Oh, please don't tell him that I told you," Chandler quickly said when he noticed what he'd done. "Gosh, I'm a sucky friend."

"You're not," Rachel said. "And we're not going to let one word slip about it, _will_ we, Blaine? We'll wait until Kurt tells us himself."

Blaine let out a puff of air.

"Blaine?" Rachel repeated strictly. "Promise you won't ask Kurt about this unless he tells us himself."

"Alright," Blaine agreed, disgruntled.

"Guys, we should hurry if we want to make the opening in time," Chandler pointed out with a tap on his watch.

"I'm ready to go," Rachel announced and grabbed her purse. One last check in the mirror and the three of them went to the door, startled when it opened before they'd reached it.

"KURT!"

They were all surprised to see their friend come through the door, but Rachel was the first to react and shout out his name in utter joy. Rachel launched herself at him, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"Why didn't you tell us you were coming today? We would have prepared a welcome back party!"

"That's the exact reason why I didn't tell you," Kurt said with a short laugh, hugging her back. "I didn't want you to make a fuss over me."

Blaine couldn't help but beam. He was so glad to see Kurt again, just knowing that Kurt was back with them felt like a great relief. He hated being apart from Kurt. Although they had kept in touch with texts and phone calls the past two weeks, Blaine needed to see his friend face to face. Kurt definitely looked better than when he'd left for Ohio, but yet he seemed drained. Blaine knew that it hadn't been easy for Kurt to admit his problems to his family and have them fuss over him. Kurt was so proud and independent. He hated being the cause for worry.

"We're just about to leave for an exhibit opening. Do you want to come?" Rachel invited him excitedly.

"Thanks, but I'm really tired," Kurt declined. "I just want to get a shower and go straight to bed."

"It's good to have you back in town," Chandler said, rocking back and forth on his heels.

Kurt let go of the handle of his bag and stepped forward to draw Chandler into a hug.

"Thanks, Chandler," he murmured. "And thanks also for the sweet email you send me. I'm sorry I didn't reply but I was really moved by your words."

"You're welcome," Chandler replied, his voice a little bit too emotional for Blaine's liking. But Blaine swallowed down any feelings of jealousy and waited for his turn to be hugged.

But as Kurt let go of their friend, he just grabbed the handle of his suitcase again and moved across the room. "Have fun!"

"Are you coming, Blaine?" Rachel asked.

"Actually, I think I'm staying home, too," Blaine suddenly said with an apologetic grimace. "I'm not feeling too well and perhaps Kurt needs a little company."

"I'm fine," Kurt countered. "Don't stay on my behalf."

He acted as if he didn't care what Blaine was doing. Rachel seemed to sense it, too. She pulled Blaine into a hug, whispering, "Take it slow, one step at a time."

Blaine rolled his eyes, like, _duh! I know that! I won__'__t ravage Kurt on first sight._

Rachel and Chandler left and Blaine turned to talk to Kurt, but his friend was busy getting his clothes out of the suitcase and neatly into the wardrobe.

"How was your flight?" Blaine asked casually, stuffing his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.

"Smooth," Kurt replied without looking up.

"You look good, by the way," Blaine said. During the past two weeks Kurt had refused Skyping with the excuse that he didn't want Blaine to see him.

"Thanks, but I just had a really tiring flight, I doubt that I look anything near good."

"You do, though," Blaine said, feeling put down. This wasn't how he had expected their reunion to go. They'd had very good talks over the phone over the past two weeks. He had thought Kurt would be more relaxed in his presence by now.

"How about a hug?" Blaine asked casually, internally hating himself for being jealous of Chandler and Rachel.

Kurt looked up, but wouldn't meet Blaine's eyes as he pulled an apologetic face. "I'd rather not. I feel kind of icky."

"You hugged Chandler," Blaine protested instantly, and here he was sounding all jealous and needy.

Kurt chose to ignore his comment. "I'm going to take a shower if you don't mind."

"No, sure, go ahead."

The instant Kurt closed the door to the bathroom, Blaine threw himself on his bed with a moan.

"You're an idiot, Blaine Anderson, a stupid, jealous idiot," he was chastising himself while smashing his fists into the pillow. Why did he have to be all pushy and act like an idiot instead of giving Kurt space to breathe? Where was Rachel when he needed someone to stomp on his foot to prevent him from saying stupid things?

Blaine hugged his pillow and stared at Kurt's suitcase when it struck him that the bed he was occupying wasn't really _his_ bed. Originally it was Kurt's bed and now that Kurt was back, they had to talk about sleeping arrangements. Blaine was certain that Kurt wouldn't be okay sharing a bed with him. Of course Blaine would offer to retreat to the couch for the time being, but the dreaded question would remain if he had to get himself his own bed or if he was supposed to move out.

He hoped Kurt wouldn't want him to move out.

Blaine was starting to feel depressed. After the night when he had faced Andrew and slept with Kurt on that couch two weeks ago, Blaine had hoped that things would develop quickly for them. He was willing to give Kurt space and time to explore his feelings, but he had been hoping that they'd soon be an item again. However, when they had texted or talked on the phone, Kurt had never made any indication that he considered them more than just friends.

Why did relationships have to be such a difficult matter?

Once you had betrayed someone's trust it was hard to win it back. Blaine knew that. But he also knew that he loved Kurt with all his heart and that deep down, hidden underneath all the pain and distrust, Kurt still loved him back.

Blaine turned around on the mattress, facing the ceiling and listening to the sounds of the shower. He waited for Kurt to show up again, not knowing what exactly he was waiting for. Surely, Kurt wouldn't be up for a discussion about their relationship status. Blaine wasn't even sure if Kurt wanted him around. Perhaps Kurt just wanted to drop dead on his bed.

Which brought Blaine back to the matter at hand.

Kurt's bed. Blaine sniffed the linen and sat up. He should probably change the bedding. Kurt wouldn't appreciate the scent of his sweat on the pillows.

Getting up again, Blaine opened the chest drawer and rummaged for fresh linen. Then he worked on the buttons of the bedding.

* * *

Kurt took a long shower, longer than intended, because he knew what would inevitably happen when he came out and faced Blaine again.

He had thought a lot about Blaine in the past two weeks. On one hand thinking about Blaine had been a sweet distraction, way better than facing his mental problems. But he also knew that it was nothing else but a fantasy. He wasn't ready to be with Blaine again, not in the full-on commitment kind of way Blaine wanted them to be.

Still, Kurt couldn't deny that he was filled up to the brim with desire and need and just listening to Blaine's timbre voice on the phone made him yearn to be with him, kissing and devouring. Now that he was back in New York and living in the same loft as Blaine, it would be impossible to hide his desire from him. Gosh, Kurt couldn't even hug him. Just one look into Blaine's hazel eyes and Kurt knew he'd be on fire.

Kurt turned the shower to cold. He needed to fight these conquering feelings. It was pure lust he felt for Blaine, probably because he hadn't been touched for over a year.

Kurt wasn't going to play with Blaine's feelings, which Kurt knew were sincere. He didn't want to use Blaine, but truth-time admitted, Blaine was the only one Kurt could imagine having relations with. Sure, he could have sex with strangers, but there was no way in hell he'd ever go and have a one-night stand. Kurt was already picky with his food and he was awfully choosy when it came to clothes, he couldn't for his life imagine selecting a random sex partner.

And why would he expose himself to total strangers? He hadn't even allowed Andrew to touch him and they had officially been boyfriends. But Andrew had been a different chapter of his life altogether. Kurt hadn't been with Andrew for love.

Kurt wasn't inclined to expose his battered body to anyone. He didn't want to explain to some stranger why there were fading bruises on almost every inch of his body.

Kurt raised his arm and stared at his bruised wrist. Even after two weeks it was still his worst injury. Sometimes he would look at it almost in wonder, as if it was the wrist of another person, and he'd feel so detached to the events that his mind was unable to grasp how he'd come to have such a bruise.

Most of the time, however, he'd still feel the wire he'd worn hidden underneath the sleeve of his shirt, the always present delicious pain that would distract him from the pain inside.

There still were times when he would dig his fingernails into his wrist just to feel the echo of that pain and drown into the sensation again.

Kurt turned off the water and stood, shivering. For a long moment he was overwhelmed with emotions. Anger at himself for losing control and succumbing to his weaknesses. Fear of what lay ahead, the fight that he still had to overcome with himself to stay mentally healthy. Deep-felt gratitude for Blaine to still hang on although he'd seen the mess Kurt had become. But hovering over everything else was the pure need to feel something else other than the despair that had become a constant in his mind.

And with Blaine in reach, the only distraction that came to mind was of a sexual kind.

Kurt felt selfish and he wasn't proud that he wanted Blaine, but Blaine was the only safe choice. They knew each others hot buttons and quirks. He knew he could just let himself fall when he was with Blaine and not worry about all his imperfections. Also, Blaine had already seen Kurt's bruises and he knew the story behind them.

But he couldn't ask Blaine to just be his sex buddy, could he? Would Blaine understand that he couldn't bear the responsibility of a relationship at this point in his life? He needed to recover from his broken heart, his broken shell, his broken everything before he could be the half of a whole again.

Kurt knew it wasn't fair to let Blaine keep pining over him, but then again life just wasn't fair. If it was, then Blaine would never have cheated on him and caused his trust to crack and leave a scar too big to cover up. Was it really that bad of him to ignore Blaine's request to be boyfriends again? Was it immature to just lust for his ex-boyfriend's body? Maybe he was over-thinking things and Blaine would be a willing sex buddy. They were both just human after all.

And what better chance than tonight? Here they were, all alone, because Rachel was out. What were the chances that they would have another night together any time soon? It was a perfect opportunity to hook up and Kurt didn't want to wait much longer and watch Blaine with hungry eyes.

Kurt let out a sigh of frustration. Why did this have to be so complicated?

* * *

Kurt came out of the bathroom and found Blaine fumbling with the bedding. "What are you doing?"

Blaine jumped at the sound of Kurt's voice behind him. "You scared me," Blaine said with an embarrassed little laugh. "I'm just changing the linen, so you can lie down in a fresh bed."

"Don't," Kurt said in a low voice and reached out for Blaine's arm to stop him. "That's really not necessary."

"I just thought..." Blaine couldn't finish his sentence, because Kurt grabbed both his arms to pull him closer and then Kurt's mouth was on his. Kurt's hands moved up to frame Blaine's head with both hands, pressing his mouth onto his with closed eyes.

Blaine stood frozen, his heart stopped beating and he didn't dare move.

Kurt parted lips with a smacking sound, his eyes fluttering open again. "You think too much," Kurt simply said, stroking his thumb down Blaine's cheek. "Stop over-analyzing everything."

Blaine didn't know what to say. His head was dizzy with a million questions, wanting to know what to make of this kiss. Knowing that he would just mutter complete nonsense if he opened his mouth, he stayed mute, just giving Kurt a short nod.

"You're cute when you're rendered speechless," Kurt said with the hint of a smirk and his fingers fumbling with the bow tie Blaine was wearing. "Nice to know I still have that effect on you."

"You kissing me will always have an effect on me," Blaine admitted, waiting for Kurt to make the next move, but Kurt let go of his bow tie and wandered about the apartment as if not sure what to do, either.

Blaine knew that the time spent back in Lima had helped Kurt to see things in a different light, but still he didn't look like he was at ease with himself and the world again. There still was that sad glint in his eyes that Blaine had noticed the very first time in that coffee shop when he'd finally met Kurt again after a year's time.

After taking the shower Kurt had changed into his pajamas, which were a little too wide on his thin frame. For a second Blaine wondered if the bruises on Kurt's body were still visible. His own had faded by now to just a shadow.

"Are you hungry?" Blaine asked. "Or do you want a hot beverage?"

"A hot chocolate would be nice," Kurt said and Blaine hurried to the kitchen to make one, almost fleeing from the situation. Why did Kurt kiss him? What was up with that? He decided not to read too much into it.

Kurt followed him and leaned with his back against the counter. Blaine grew nervous as Kurt watched his every movement. There was something in the way Kurt looked at him that made Blaine extremely self-conscious.

"I missed you," Kurt said out of the blue, and Blaine lost grip of the spoon he was holding and it scattered across the counter. Kurt arched his eyebrows in obvious amusement.

"Gosh, I'm such a klutz," Blaine let out an embarrassed chuckle and retrieved the spoon.

What kind of missing was Kurt implying? Did he just miss him for the past two weeks? They had talked on the phone almost every night. Or did he mean like, _I missed you since the day we broke up? I missed you since forever. _

"I missed you, too," Blaine said, and cleared his throat. He'd missed Kurt forever.

"Do you want a hug now?" Kurt asked innocently.

"Always," Blaine answered with a loving smile.

Kurt stepped to him and draped his arms around Blaine's neck in that familiar movement that felt so right and sent Blaine back in time.

"God, I missed you like crazy," Blaine murmured with his hands on Kurt's waist, holding him close. Kurt gently leaned his forehead against Blaine's and closed his eyes.

Blaine closed his eyes too, slowing down his breathing, inhaling the scent of his ex-boyfriend and getting delirious on the unexpected closeness. He was tempted to say it, to say the three words that meant so much to him, but they had agreed to just be friends for now, and Blaine didn't want to rush Kurt or make him uncomfortable by telling him that he loved him.

Also, he knew that he'd die if Kurt didn't say it back.

And then Kurt's lips were on his again, this time not just a lingering pressure, but a tentative nibbling, a teasing, a careful request for more. Blaine parted his lips and allowed Kurt to do whatever he wanted with him.

Kurt deepened the kiss. He gently but determinedly pushed Blaine back against the counter, pressing his whole body against him, close, so close and his mouth so hot that Blaine felt like Kurt meant to set him on fire.

After making out like this for a while – the cocoa long forgotten – Kurt drew back a little, resting his forehead against Blaine's again, panting hard. "Is this okay with you?" he asked, breathless.

Blaine let out a chuckle. "You seriously need to ask?"

"Let's move to the bed," Kurt suggested, causing Blaine's heart to skip a beat.

"Are... are you sure?"

"If we agree that this doesn't mean we're back together, then yes, I'm sure," Kurt replied, his hands on Blaine's waist and his eyes so attentive on Blaine's face, eager not to miss the slightest change of expression.

Blaine felt himself slumping with disappointment.

"Then what is this?" Blaine asked weakly.

"How about a hook-up?" Kurt offered, tilting his head to the side, still watching Blaine with those intense eyes.

"You want us to be friends with benefits?" Blaine asked incredulously, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Kurt countered.

"It's not what I want," Blaine admitted quietly.

Kurt moved forward and kissed him again, this time more determined and more desperate. His teeth grazing Blaine's bottom lip not so gently. "It's all I have to offer for now," Kurt replied and repeatedly kissed Blaine's mouth in an attempt to seduce him.

"Come on, Blaine Warbler," Kurt murmured against his lips enticingly. "Let's just do it."

Blaine felt another twinge at his heart by the mention of his former nickname.

Blaine Warbler didn't exist anymore. Blaine Warbler had just been a boy, terrible at romance and awkwardly trying to act mature when he didn't really know what he was doing. Blaine Warbler had been the boy who Kurt fell in love with and who fell for Kurt.

Was this the person Kurt still saw in him? Or did Kurt wish him to become that person again? Was Kurt clinging to a past that was long gone? Because Blaine wasn't that boy anymore. He had become someone else, someone with regrets but also with determination. Someone who knew what he wanted and was willing to do anything for it. He wanted Kurt to see him for who he was now, with all his faults and weaknesses.

Perhaps he was reading too much into it.

With a firm grip on his hand Kurt pulled Blaine back to the bed.

In the dimmed light of the bedside lamp Kurt stripped off his pajama top and pants and helped Blaine to undress in an almost impatient way.

Being naked with Kurt again after all this time wasn't embarrassing in the slightest, not like Blaine had thought it might be. On the contrary, touching Kurt's skin was like coming home.

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine murmured when his eyes found the various marks of violence on Kurt's slim body. Tentatively, Blaine touched the yellowish bruises on Kurt's collarbone and chest, hating Andrew for causing them and wanting to kiss the bad memories away. But Kurt had something else in mind other than slowly and carefully reacquaint one another.

Kurt pushed him back into the pillows and kissed him again, hard and needy. He left a trail of wet kisses down Blaine's throat as their bodies strained against each other; Kurt was straddling him, grinding against him until Blaine thought he would die from the sensation. Blaine held Kurt's body close to his and nuzzled his neck behind his ear, losing himself in that wonderful scent that was all Kurt.

But soon Kurt slipped out of his embrace and started using his hands and his tongue on him, and Blaine had to grip the linen hard not to twitch about uncontrollably.

Suddenly Kurt stopped and Blaine rose up on his elbows and watched as Kurt opened a condom and unrolled it on Blaine. The next moment Kurt was clutching Blaine's waist, sliding surprisingly strong hands to Blaine's hips to guide him where he needed him to be. Blaine pulled Kurt in for a searching kiss and moved automatically when he felt Kurt's hot, tight body close around him.

It all happened so fast and unexpected that Blaine had no chance to process what was even happening. All he understood was that Kurt wanted him, needed him and that he would do anything to be what Kurt needed him to be.

Kurt changed positions, he rolled Blaine over until Blaine was on top. Kurt's breathless sighs turned into needy whines as his legs wound around Blaine's back, urging him on.

Kurt had always been a pleasure moaner and Blaine died to hear the noises Kurt made when they were together, and Blaine loved it when Kurt moaned into his mouth when they were kissing. It was an incredible turn-on for him to have Kurt so completely surrendered to his touch. Especially since Kurt usually was a very closed-up person. Blaine wanted to do more kissing, but Kurt wouldn't meet his mouth as much as Blaine wanted him to.

"Blaine..." Kurt whispered in an urgent tone, his hands firmly on Blaine's back, pressing their bodies closer together.

"Yeah?" Blaine closed his eyes, anticipating, needing to hear those words. _I love you..._

"Blaine... please, don't stop..."

And suddenly Blaine understood. It was exactly what Kurt had said it would be. It was just sex. It was no more than needy sex, satisfactory for the body but not for the heart.

He wouldn't go as far as to say that it was meaningless sex, because it did mean something. It meant that Kurt was able to trust him again, enough to let him into his bed again. But this wasn't about trust anymore, this was about love.

And although Blaine was sure that Kurt still loved him to a certain degree, they had lost a big part of who they once had been as a couple. Realizing this scared him and it made him feel like they would never be whole again.

Afterward they just lay there, inches apart and panting.

"Gosh, that was good," Kurt said, breathless and with a satisfied chuckle. "So, so good."

They were close, but yet Blaine felt a distance. It should make him happy that Kurt wanted to be intimate again, but instead Blaine felt empty inside. How could Kurt be happy with just being friends with benefits? This wasn't like it used to be. Blaine remembered just too well how amazing and wonderful sex had been with Kurt, back when they'd been a couple. They would tease and joke around and have fun and love, love, _love_ each other.

They had lost that, and Blaine wasn't sure they'd find it again. Everything just felt so wrong. And although Blaine fought hard to keep it together, suddenly he was overwhelmed by his emotions and a sob escaped his throat, his eyes welled up with tears.

"Blaine? What's wrong?" Kurt was on instant alert. He switched on the light and cupped Blaine's face with one hand. "What is it?"

Blaine leaned away from him, burying his face into the pillow and his hands and cried those miserable tears of despair he'd last cried when they'd broken up.

"Blaine, please. Talk to me." Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine's chest and planted kisses on Blaine's shoulder to calm him down. Kurt was so sweet and caring, asking him what was wrong, but Blaine couldn't explain any of it. His throat was too tight to be able to speak.

Kurt seemed to get it anyway.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, with tears of his own in his voice. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Blaine, you know that, right? I know you want us to be together again, but I just can't be in a relationship right now. One day I'm sure I will."

"No, you won't," Blaine said, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. "You don't love me anymore, I can feel it. I can feel the difference."

"I don't know what I'm feeling," Kurt admitted. "That's why I asked you to give me some time to figure it out. I was completely... I... I lost myself, Blaine. Your cheating was just the trigger for it. Many factors played into it. I have always been on the edge. I'm self-confident but at the same time I'm my biggest critic. I believe that I can achieve something but at the same time I'm scared to death of failing. And yes, I still hate you for cheating, but I also hate myself for letting you down and I need to find out how to trust in myself again and how to be able to trust you. But I'm weak, and I took advantage of you and I'm sorry."

Blaine didn't reply to that, he just continued weeping miserably into the pillow.

"Blaine," Kurt rubbed his hand over Blaine's arm. "Please say something."

Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes with one hand, turning around to face his lover. "I love you, Kurt."

"Don't say _that_," Kurt said with a little shake of his head.

"I can't help it," Blaine replied, shuffling closer and cupping Kurt's face with one hand. "I love you so much." He moved to kiss Kurt again, but Kurt sat up straight and raked a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Stop saying that, please. Just stop." Kurt sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He felt like an asshole.

Blaine slumped back into the mattress, staring at the ceiling. He was out of tears. After a long silence Blaine reached out his hand and gently pulled at Kurt's elbow. "Let's just sleep, okay?"

Slowly Kurt settled back under the covers. He curled up into Blaine's side and allowed Blaine to close his arms around him. It took him a while to fall asleep, but it was a deep, dreamless and restful sleep like he hadn't had in quite a long time.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**

**A big special Thank You to **_**LaurenEP18**_** for helping me with this chapter! You're truly awesome! Everyone, please check out **_**LaurenEP18**_**'s fanfiction, too. She writes incredible badboy-stories. ;)**

** u/3794855/LaurenEP18**

* * *

******If you speak Spanish, please also check out the translation of **

_Trust Is A Flexible Word_ - Spanish Version s/9787026/1

by the wonderful _Htuiba_ u/4358200/Htuiba

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**OK, so the first chapter of 'About Trust' is up faster than I thought it would be, but the next chapters will take time. Please be patient with me. I'm still writing on my other story No Regrets. :)**

**Reviews are always welcome, but please NO HATERS!**


	2. Chapter 2

**OMG thank you all so much for your follows and favorites! I am blown away! I didn't expect such a response to the first chapter. :D**

**To ease all of your minds: Blaine won't move out! I'm not making this easy for Kurt. ;) And the idea of 'friends with benefits' will be addressed more in future chapters.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

When Kurt woke up the next morning, he found himself lying next to Blaine. Even before his eyes fluttered open to see Blaine's sleeping face, his first clues were the familiar scent, the distinctive breathing – a slight snoring – and the way Blaine's arm was curled lightly around Kurt's waist that had him knowing exactly where he was and with whom. The first thought coming to mind was, _Ah hell, what did I do? _

Kurt opened his eyes lazily and focused on his friend's face. He didn't fail to notice that the expression on Blaine's face wasn't one of peacefulness. There was a frown contorting his handsome features and Kurt knew that he was the one who put it there. How stupid of him to think that sex was just sex. He had used Blaine to satisfy his basic urges and of course it would leave Blaine hurt and vulnerable. Because Blaine was a romantic, he put the heart above bodily needs.

And yes, that was exactly what Kurt loved about him. It was why Kurt never understood how Blaine could have cheated on him. It was why Kurt had started thinking that they weren't meant for each other and that there was no such thing as true love.

But by now he had realized that there was no such thing as a perfect human being. Everybody made mistakes, small ones and big ones, and sometimes some that were unforgivable, because they could still hurt one year later.

Kurt lifted his hand and carefully let his fingertips trail down the curve of Blaine's face, just a soft tickle, almost without touching him at all. Just feeling the slight stubble on his cheek and chin. He shifted closer to take an admiring look at the long dark eyelashes resting on Blaine's skin, the perfect line of his delicious lips and the thickness of his cute eyebrows. Even the swelling of his eyes caused by all of last night's crying couldn't diminish his beauty.

Kurt had spent so much of his adolescence loving this face and worshiping everything about Blaine. Even his quirks and his cute faults. It was tempting to stay curled in the warmth of Blaine's embrace, to taste his lips once more and wake him up with soft kisses.

But something held Kurt back.

Sleeping with Blaine had been a bit like coming home. Everything was familiar and comfortable. There was no awkwardness between them, yet it didn't feel the same anymore. One year apart had changed things. Time had changed _him._ And although Kurt wished so much that they could just pick up where they'd left off, it felt different.

He wanted to be able to say that he still loved Blaine. He wanted to hold him and tell him that they were going to be all right. But it didn't feel right just yet.

The whole 'friends with benefits' idea had been stupid and Kurt had managed nothing but to hurt Blaine and leave both of them vulnerable.

Slowly Kurt rose and slid off the bed. He fished for his discarded pajama pants and shirt on the floor and put them back on before he parted the curtain and made his way to the kitchen.

"Good morning, sweetie," Rachel greeted him happily. She was already up, lounging on the couch with a big mug of coffee and watching re-runs of comedy shows.

Kurt poured himself a cup and joined her.

"Did you sleep well?" Rachel asked innocently, but with a knowing smirk on her face.

"Don't," Kurt said, not in the mood to be the object of interrogation. "It's not as you think."

"But you've slept in the same bed and you can't tell me that you've just slept in the same bed," Rachel said in a happy sing-songy voice and poked his side with a finger. "You and Blaine! Blaine and you!"

"Rachel, please drop it," Kurt said in a serious tone that had Rachel shutting up immediately. "We're not back together, alright! And I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." Rachel seemed to do just as he asked, but a few minutes later Blaine emerged from behind the curtain and Rachel gave a little gasp of astonishment. "Blaine? Were you crying?"

Blaine hurried to the bathroom but Rachel caught up with him. His eyes were undeniably puffy and red from crying. "I'm okay, Rachel. It's just allergies," he said in a hoarse voice.

"Don't give me that crap," Rachel swatted his arm. "What on earth happened between you two?"

Blaine looked across the room towards Kurt who had his back towards them but was undoubtedly listening in. "Nothing, Rachel," Blaine replied. "How was the exhibit?"

"Fine," Rachel let out a puff of frustrated air. "Don't tell me then. But if you two don't get along, I'll lock you up in a small room until you do."

"We're fine, Rachel," Kurt replied, looking over his shoulder at them. "We're friends. Right, Blaine?"

"Yeah, just friends," Blaine replied with his hand on the doorknob. "If you'll excuse me..." He went into the bathroom and locked the door.

Rachel whirled around to face Kurt. "What's this all about?"

"Drop it, Rachel."

"But you slept with him, didn't you?" she inquired as she hurried back to the couch.

"None of your business," Kurt said with a sigh.

"I take that as a yes," Rachel said flopping down next to him. "So what happened? Why is Blaine dissolved in tears?"

"Because we had a disagreement."

"A disagreement on what?" Rachel raised her voice to a shrilly tone. "The brand of condom?"

Kurt bit his lips and drew a calming breath through his nose. "If you must know, we disagree on our relationship status."

"Oh Kurt, why won't you give Blaine a second chance?" She cut straight to the heart of the matter. "He's a sweetheart and he really loves you and regrets his mistakes."

"It's got nothing to do with Blaine, okay?" Kurt snapped. "This may sound selfish, but I have to focus on _me_ now. I don't want to be _anybody's_ boyfriend right now."

"Okay," Rachel said meekly. "I'm sorry. It's just that I love you both so much and I don't want to see either of you hurt."

"I know, and I don't want to hurt Blaine, but I guess sometimes it's inevitable to hurt somebody or to get hurt, even with the best intentions in mind," Kurt said with a sigh of frustration and a slight shrug. Then he got up. "I'll make us some pancakes for breakfast."

When they all sat around the table half an hour later to enjoy pancakes and more coffee, Blaine wouldn't meet Kurt's eyes and it hurt more than Kurt was willing to admit. Kurt understood that the pain of rejection was still too raw, but he hadn't thought that Blaine would take it so hard.

Rachel tried to cheer up the mood with light chatter. After a while she said, "By the way, we have to come up with a morning bathroom schedule now that there are three of us living together."

"Speaking of, we also need to reorganize the apartment," Kurt added.

"Why?" Rachel's voice was deeply suspicious.

"Sleeping arrangements," Kurt simply put. "I was thinking that if we put up another privacy partition and a curtain Blaine can have his own bedroom."

"Maybe it'd be best if I moved out," Blaine said in a near-whisper.

"No!" Rachel exclaimed instantly and looked at Kurt for help.

"You don't need to move out, Blaine," Kurt said, and put his hand on Blaine's for reassurance. "I don't want you to move out, okay? Please stay."

Finally Blaine met Kurt's eyes. There was still a great amount of uncertainty in them, mixed with a sliver of hope.

"I guess I can go and buy a bed tomorrow," Blaine said.

"For the time being my bed is big enough," Rachel offered. "Blaine can share with me."

Over the next week Kurt kept his distance. No more kisses, not even chaste ones, and no more touching, except for the occasional quick hug. Blaine was sure that if he hadn't bawled like a baby and kept his stupid mouth shut he would still be in Kurt's bed. They probably would have more empty sex, but at least he'd be able to hold Kurt afterward.

As the days flew by, Blaine grew certain that this was it. They'd never be together again.

* * *

Once a week Kurt had an appointment with a therapist. He still found it hard to talk about his self-harm issues and why he'd let the situation with Andrew get out of hand. His therapist tried to convey to him that the domestic abuse he'd experienced with Andrew hadn't been his fault, but he was still convinced that Andrew wouldn't have acted as aggressive as he had if Kurt hadn't encouraged him to.

Kurt put all his energy into his work at Vogue. Soon, he became a workaholic again. He didn't even have time to think about Blaine. After work hours Isabelle would allow him again to work on his own creations and he found it most relaxing and satisfying to work all by himself in the workshop of the company.

"Isabelle says I'm a true New Yorker now, because every New Yorker needs a shrink to cope with the madness of the city," he would joke casually with Chandler but at the end of the day, it was nothing to joke about. He had promised his father to let Rachel check his wrists every night, just to make sure he wouldn't fall into relapse. He trusted Rachel enough to let her examine his body. At least it would spare him regular visits with a doctor, which had been Burt's first idea.

When Kurt got home after work, Rachel and Blaine would be bundled up in blankets on the couch, laughing hysterically at some TV show. Sometimes Chandler would be with them. They looked like a happy bunch of friends together.

"Kurt, please join us," One of them would beg him. But most of the time Kurt would excuse himself, saying he was too tired.

Kurt didn't know why he excluded himself. Perhaps it was because he _felt_ excluded. Perhaps it was because Blaine slept in Rachel's bed now and Kurt was jealous. Jealous that they had someone to curl into and to share warmth with. If he'd ask Blaine to share the bed with him just for company, Blaine would get his hopes up and Kurt didn't want to lead him on. He still wasn't ready to think about a relationship just yet.

So he settled to share his bed only with Bruce for now. After all, a boyfriend pillow didn't want to talk about a future together, about love and commitment. Also, a boyfriend pillow wouldn't cheat on him and beg him to forgive and forget. Life was easier just holding on to a boyfriend pillow. Easier, but also way emptier.

* * *

One evening, after two weeks had passed since Kurt was back in New York, he turned to Rachel for a favor.

"Rachel, would you be up for a model job for the next six weeks?"

Rachel furrowed her brows. "What's this about?"

"I applied to participate in a new TV show called 'Fashion Hero' and I made it to be one of ten contenders. The show starts shooting next week and I've been told that we need to bring our own models, one female and one male, because the show runs on a low budget. So it would mean a lot to me if you said yes."

"Oh my God, Kurt! That's so amazing!" She had forgotten all about it since the one time Chandler had mentioned it. "I'm flattered that you would even consider me capable of such a job," she said happily.

"Well, yeah, you're not the average top model, especially considering your height," Kurt observed in an _it'll have to do_ manner, "but I guess we'll manage as long as we agree that you don't have any say in what I'm going to dress you up in."

"Sounds like fun!" Rachel fake-cheered. "Why don't you ask some of your co-workers at Vogue?"

"Well, I did," Kurt confessed. "But they kind of looked at me like I'd grown a second head and they'd rather wear second-hand clothes than work for me. Even if they'd get to be on TV."

"Really?" Rachel pulled a sympathetic face.

"Before you say yes," Kurt continued, holding up a hand, "you should be aware that it's a very time consuming job and I'm not able to pay you."

"Well," Rachel took a deep breath. "I don't care. Anything to help you. I'll do it!"

"Thank you!" Kurt pulled her into a hug, a huge breath of relief escaping his lungs.

"It's a big chance! I'm happy for you!" Rachel assured him, but she still remembered what Chandler had told them about Andrew being somehow responsible for the show. It made her wonder if this little bit of information was the reason Kurt hadn't slipped one word about his exciting news sooner.

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" Rachel asked him innocently.

"Sorry," Kurt said. "I'm just so nervous about this and if you'd known and we'd constantly talk about it, it would just increase my anxiety level. Also, it makes it so much more real now. God, it starts next week already and I still can't believe I'm doing this, you know?"

"Do you already have a male model?" Rachel asked him.

"No, not yet."

"Why don't you ask Blaine to model for you, too? He'd be a perfect match to me."

"I don't know," Kurt said evasively. "I don't want to bother him."

"You're just afraid you'd have to spend more time with him," Rachel pointed out.

Kurt cocked his head at her. "Probably," he answered honestly. "But it's more like I want to spare _him_ having to spend time with me."

"That's, for lack of another word, bullshit, Kurt."

They looked up when they heard a noise at the door. Blaine just came in, juggling some grocery bags and his satchel.

"Blaine! Guess what?" Rachel greeted him excitedly. "Kurt's doing a fashion TV show as one of ten contenders! Isn't it amazing?"

"You're doing the show?" Blaine asked, sounding incredulous. He put the bags on the table and crossed the room to join them on the couch.

"Yes, why not?" Kurt asked, a little put off by Blaine's weird tone.

"Because of Andrew!" Blaine replied, clearly upset and ignoring the way Rachel cut her throat with her hand.

"You... you know about him?" Kurt asked, baffled.

"Chandler told us, alright?" Blaine admitted. "You can't do this, Kurt! Not with Andrew around!"

"I cannot _not_ do this," Kurt countered, now upset himself. "It's this huge thing and I thought you'd be happy for me."

"I would be if it wasn't for Andrew being a part of it," Blaine explained. "What if he tries to mess with your head again?"

"I can handle him, alright." Kurt said annoyed.

"Yes, we saw that," Blaine replied.

"Screw you," Kurt shot back. He grabbed a couch pillow and smacked it into Blaine's face.

"Okay, I have one question," Blaine inquired, fighting the pillow off with both hands. "If this show means so such to you, then why didn't you tell us about it earlier, huh?" Blaine got a good grip on the pillow and yanked it out of Kurt's hands. "What made you keep it secret from us? You didn't want us to know, because you knew we wouldn't be okay with you being around Andrew again. Am I right?"

"First of all, don't speak on behalf of Rachel, because this is just _your_ jealousy speaking," Kurt shot at him, trying to get the pillow back by pulling at it. "And second, Andrew won't be around twenty-four seven, okay?" Kurt explained. "He's just doing like, the cut of the final footage or something. I may not get to see him at all."

"I'm not jealous," Blaine defended and hugged the pillow firmly to his chest so Kurt couldn't snatch it. "I just have a bad feeling about this. I don't want him to get in a position where he's able to hurt you again."

"Boys, don't fight," Rachel warned and plopped down between them. "And Kurt, actually I'm with Blaine about being worried that Andrew will somehow try to get back to you. But apart from that, this is a huge career chance for you and you have to do it. Right, Blaine?"

"Yes," Blaine said with a sigh. "If you do this, of course we've got your back."

"Thanks," Kurt said, more calmly now. "It means a lot to me that you guys support me. But you have to promise me one thing. Please don't tell my dad that Andrew's going to be there, he won't understand and he'll just be worried."

"As long as Andrew behaves, I won't tell your dad that he's part of the team," Rachel promised. "And Kurt, isn't there something you wanted to ask Blaine?" She nudged his arm with her elbow.

"Right," Kurt said and bit down on his lips before he spoke. "I'm going to need volunteers to be models for me. During the week they'd have to endure long hours in the workshop while I work on outfits and every Saturday they'd have to present the outfits on a runway in the spotlight. Rachel already said yes to the female part, and I still need a guy."

"You're asking _me_ to do this job?" Blaine asked for clarification.

"I'd understand if you didn't want to do this," Kurt hurried to say.

"This means we get to be on set with you, right?" Rachel asked and gave Blaine a huge wink, hoping that he'd understand that this would be a great opportunity to keep an eye on Kurt and especially on Andrew.

"I guess so," Kurt replied, confused by the question.

"I'm in," Blaine said quickly. "Just tell me when and where."

"Wow, great!" Kurt put his hands together and raised his fingertips to his lips. "Thank you! But I need you to understand that this is going to be a commitment for at least six weeks. You can't bail on me. I can't go looking for other models once the show starts."

"I have no problem with commitment," Blaine replied with arched eyebrows and a wry smile.

Kurt opened his mouth to reply with something, but thought better of it. Instead he just gave a mute nod and a thin smile.

With a devilish grin, Blaine exchanged a look with Rachel and then slowly lifted the pillow and yelled, "Hair attack!"

"No!" Kurt screamed, but within seconds he was tackled by both of his friends. Rachel was straddling him while Blaine rubbed the pillow over Kurt's head, messing up his hair.

"Stop it, stop it!" Kurt cried, trying to fend them off, but he only managed to fall off the couch. On hands and knees Kurt crawled out of their grasp and collapsed on the armchair.

"Great. I can't wait to work with you two," he finally said, out of breath. He wasn't sure, however, if he was more excited about the show ahead of him or the prospect that he'd have to work closely with Blaine. No escape this time.

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**Thank you for reading! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**About Trust**

**Chapter 3**

The moment Kurt entered the Hearst Tower in Midtown Manhattan, he felt giddy and excited. He was about to explore the headquarters of the TV channel _Lifetime._ This was where some popular reality shows such as _Dance Moms_ and _Shop Til You Drop_ were produced. This was where the new talent show _Fashion Hero_ would be shot. This was where his dreams would come true.

The film studio was situated in an impressive tall building as all of them were in New York City. The tower was 46 stories high and Kurt would have gotten lost if he didn't have an invitation with explicit instructions. He entered the elevator and traveled up to floor 27. Stepping out into the large hallway, his heart made a happy jolt when he saw the first displays for the upcoming show in big glittery letters: FASHION HERO.

Kurt stared at the head high cardboard in complete awe, then got his phone out and took a picture of it and sent it to Rachel, Blaine and Chandler.

Chandler was the first to reply with a big smiley and the note, _OMG! Awesomesauce!_

Kurt smiled at the text. Even in his texts was Chandler yelling in excitement.

Just standing in front of the fancy display, Kurt knew he wanted to win this thing. He wanted to become the star of this talent show. He felt such a sense of belonging that it was overwhelming.

It reminded him of the first time he had been in New York, standing in front of the _Wicked_ theatre with Rachel. Both of them had had an inexplicable sense of just _knowing_ that this was their destiny. Of course, it had turned out it that Broadway had solely been Rachel's destiny. Becoming a 'Fashion Hero' and a fashion designer was Kurt's personal destination.

_Go get them, tiger! _

Rachel's text made Kurt chuckle. Rachel always had a fantastic way of stirring his fighting spirit. Yes, he had ambition and fierceness. The other contenders didn't stand a chance against him.

Shifting his satchel from one shoulder to the other, he entered the studio. There was no receptionist, but a girl wearing a black cap reading 'Lifetime crew' and a clipboard caught sight of him and came rushing over. "Hi, I'm Peggy. Can I see your invitation, please?"

Kurt showed her the magical piece of paper and she checked him off on her clipboard. She handed him a backstage pass and a name tag, both of which he had to clip on his lapel.

"Welcome to the mad house," Peggy said with a wink. "Please join the other contenders in the make-up room."

The studio was bustling with people, everybody was busy preparing for the show. Today there would just be interviews and single shots of the host and contenders and Kurt would get to meet the crew behind the scenes.

Kurt was amazed as he watched all the people working. Before he entered the make-up room, his phone buzzed with a text and he checked to read what Blaine had texted him.

_Can you sneak the display out in your bag? It would look great in the living room. ;)_

Kurt bit down on his lips to suppress a grin. Blaine was such a sweet joker. He would often point out that Kurt's manpurse was exactly like Hermione Granger's magic purse in which she would carry around camping equipment and whole libraries. One time Blaine had annoyingly insisted that he heard a sound like the trumpeting of an elephant inside of Kurt's bag. He wouldn't leave it be until Kurt checked. Kurt had found a tacky elephant brooch in the side pocket of his bag which, of course, had been a gift from Blaine. Kurt had loved it.

"Hurry up, guys! We have a schedule to keep! I don't want to be behind already on the first day!" A sharp voice cut through the buzzing of the crew and Kurt looked up, startled by the familiar sound of it.

He saw Andrew across the room, standing next to a couple of apprentices and shouting out orders. For a moment Kurt was frozen on the spot, watching his ex-boyfriend from afar. He hadn't seen Andrew in over a month and somehow he had expected him to look or act differently.

But he still was tall with long brown hair and a constant superior smirk on his features. Andrew was stunningly handsome, and he knew it. He was self-confident and proud and good at shouting orders.

Kurt didn't know what he had expected. He hadn't really allowed himself to think about Andrew. Still, the possibility of having to interact closely with Andrew in order to make it through the show was a big dark shadow looming over him. The uncertainty was the worst thing. They hadn't seen each other after Kurt had reported the domestic abuse to the police and he had no idea how Andrew would react to seeing him.

Their eyes met over the distance and Kurt's breath caught in his throat. He felt trapped, exposed like a deer in the headlights and he hated that Andrew could still make him feel that way.

However, Andrew didn't acknowledge him. No wave or wink or nod. No shouting out a hello, no storming over to make a scene or even just to ask him how he was doing. Kurt hurried on before Andrew could make up his mind about how to greet him.

Quickly, he went into the make-up room and lingered by the door, taking it all in. There was a row of six vanity tables, all of them occupied by the other contenders, four women and five guys.

He was instantly reminded of the time when he had gone with Rachel to check out the competition of NYADA applicants and they had stumbled upon all those other Rachel and Kurt personas. That day they had been brought back down to the humbling floor of reality as they had been made aware that they weren't as unique as they'd thought. Seeing the other contenders of Fashion Hero now made Kurt wonder if the actual delusional one in this room was he himself. He also wondered briefly why most of his déjà vu moments involved Rachel.

Looking around the place, it seemed as if all the other contenders were gay, too. The general fabulous clothing and rainbow-y demeanor didn't leave much room to speculate otherwise. Kurt knew that a great part of the fashion community was occupied by either women or gay men – as stereotypical as it could be. Yet, he hadn't expected the show to represent the stereotype in such a blatant way.

Where was the spicy diversity? Where was the challenge when all of them seemed to be inspired by Marc Jacobs and Alexander McQueen? How was it possible to stick out of this crowd when they all were so very much alike?

"God, just look at all these losers," a guy with platinum blond hair said to Kurt in a nasal tone. "They all look like they've jumped out of a goddamn GAP catalog. Hi, I'm Genius." The guy extended his hand and gave Kurt a not so discreet once-over. It was Kurt's red fox fur tail that he wore on his belt that was regarded with special dislike.

"I'm Kurt, nice to meet you," Kurt said, shaking hands with platinum boy.

"Just Kurt?" Genius asked derisively. "That's not very creative. You should think of a name that really catches your essence and sticks to mind."

"Says the guy who calls himself _genius?"_ Kurt shot back with a raised brow.

"Exactly," Genius said with an appreciative smile. "See, you know instantly who you're dealing with. Where are you from?"

"I'm from Lima, Ohio," Kurt answered.

"I studied abroad, in Paris. I don't want to brag, but I lived and breathed Chanel and Dior. You don't really know _anything_ about fashion if you haven't lived in Paris. But I'm not going to get into details. You have to experience _la vie en France _for yourself or else you can't possibly comprehend what I'm talking about." Genius gave a small apologetic shrug and graced Kurt with a thin smile. "And what are your credits?"

"Currently I'm doing an internship at Vogue dot com," Kurt replied with a proud smile. "Isabelle Wright is like my fairy Godmother."

"Really?" Genius asked and Kurt couldn't tell if the stunned look on his face was an expression of admiration or disbelief.

"Yeah," Kurt said with a humble shrug. "She's great. I'm really lucky to work alongside her."

"You want a piece of advice, foxy? Better watch your mouth!" Genius said with a sneer. "Nobody likes braggers."

With that he turned sharp and left Kurt standing.

"Oh, boy," Kurt muttered under his breath and tried not to roll his eyes.

"Hello and welcome to Fashion Hero," a voice behind him said loudly, addressing everybody in the room. The way the man's breath went down his spine, Kurt felt like he was only talking to him. Kurt turned around and faced Andrew. His ex-boyfriend was only one step away, but he didn't look at Kurt.

"I'm Andrew Mueller and I'm your coach, which means that I'm here to make you all look good," Andrew introduced himself. "If you have any questions, I'm your man."

"Oh, and I'm _so yours_!" one of the other contenders remarked with a sensual growl.

"Thanks, sweetie," Andrew said, addressing the young gay with all his charm. "Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to hook up with the contenders."

"That's too bad," another one chirped in, winking at Andrew.

Kurt glowered at all of them. They all were here to prove themselves at a talent show, not to flirt with the crew members. But maybe some of them were willing to sleep around to better their chances.

"Today we're here to make single interviews with each of you and then a little photo shoot," Andrew explained with a playful smirk. "We're starting with Penelope Benedict. Penelope, would you please come with me?" He motioned to the door and a young woman with bright pink hair joined him.

"And the rest of you," Andrew looked around, again without meeting Kurt's eye. "Be nice to each other while you wait for your turn."

As their coach left, Kurt was relieved but also confused that Andrew said no personal word to him.

"Oh my, he's a treat. I want him for dessert!" someone said, but Kurt didn't bother to look at who it was. Right now they all looked the same to him anyway. He found it interesting how Andrew was seen by everyone. They all thought he was this hot, charming guy. And he was, most of the time. Maybe he would be an angel to his next boyfriend. Maybe it had just been Kurt who had brought out the worst in Andrew.

"Why the long face?" someone standing next to him suddenly said. Kurt looked up to find a tall blond guy with dimples studying him with a worried expression. "Are you all right?"

The guy spoke in a heavy British accent, which threw Kurt off course for a second. "Yeah, yes. I'm okay, thanks. Just spaced out for a moment."

"I could see that," the British guy said with the most dazzling smile. Before Kurt could think of something else to say, his name was called out and he hurried to the next free chair. As the make up assistant took care of his face and hair, Kurt had time to mull over Andrew some more.

Apparently Andrew had decided to treat him like a stranger. Kurt wasn't offended by that, but he wasn't relieved either. It wasn't even that he had thought Andrew would apologize to him or assure him that he was working on his anger issues to get better. Being ignored by Andrew was more like a weird feeling of abandonment.

He just hoped that they wouldn't have to interact much, because that would be awkward.

During the course of the day Kurt would get a lot of comments on the fox tail. It was even a question in his interview. He stated that it just was his lucky charm.

By the end of the day the nickname Kurt Fox had been established, no matter how much Kurt fought it. He didn't want to run the show with an artist name. He wanted his real name to become his brand. But he was advised that the nickname had great recognition value and he should consider wearing the fox tail daily from now on as not to break the chain of luck. Since he definitely needed something to stick out, Kurt decided that it wouldn't be too bad to be known as the guy wearing a fox tail.

It was already late when the contenders were being dismissed. Kurt gathered his coat and his stuff and slowly made his way out of the studio, trying to take it all in and notice things he hadn't noticed in the craziness of the day. On his way out he took a selfie with the FASHION HERO sign in the back. With a proud grin he sent the picture to his friends and told Rachel and Blaine that he was on his way back home.

It was just when he'd hit the send button that Kurt suddenly sensed someone hovering nearby. He turned around and froze. Andrew was standing in the hallway, watching him with an expression Kurt couldn't read. He felt the anxiety well up again that he had suppressed earlier.

"Hey babe," Andrew said in a low voice, stepping closer.

"Oh, so you're talking to me?" Kurt said, lifting an eyebrow. "I was wondering if you were going to ignore me for the next six weeks."

"Sorry, I didn't want people to know that we knew each other." Andrew shrugged. "You know how people talk. I don't want anybody to think that I'd favor you over everyone else."

Kurt was honestly surprised by this. He hadn't even considered this possibility. "Thank you, that's very thoughtful."

"Let me walk you outside?" Andrew motioned toward the elevator and Kurt gave a nod.

Once they were in the elevator car together, Andrew leaned against the wall with his eyes on Kurt, making Kurt feel very self-conscious all of a sudden.

"Did your dark place brighten up?" Andrew asked with genuine interest.

Kurt looked up, astonished by the thoughtful question. "Yes. I'm much better, thanks."

"Glad to hear it."

"How about you?" Kurt asked quietly.

"You know me," Andrew replied with yet another shrug. "I'm a survivor."

"So what have you been up to?" Kurt's question was genuine. He really wanted to know how his ex had been doing over the past few weeks.

"Well, I have to admit it was no thrill to have the police knock at my door and to be escorted to the police station. When they wanted my finger prints, I really felt like a criminal."

He paused, as if giving Kurt the opportunity to voice his sympathy or even his regrets, but Kurt stayed mute.

"For the next few months I've got to do community service and you know how much I hate doing charity or any kind of social work. Also, my trip to Hawaii is definitely canceled, because I had to pay such a ridiculous fine that I can't afford Christmas this year."

"I'd say I'm sorry, but my therapist would slap me around the head," Kurt replied with a smile. Although Andrew was complaining about his penalty, he didn't sound accusing or resentful.

"Oh yeah, I've got a shrink now, too," Andrew said somehow enthusiastically. "For my impulse control issues. They call it a disorder. God, makes you feel really mental. Funny how one incident can turn your life upside down, right?"

"Yes, totally." It was so unexpected that he could relate to Andrew like this. In fact, Andrew was the only one who understood where Kurt was coming from. Yes, it had been a sick kind of relationship, but still, Andrew was the only one who got it.

Kurt was surprised how casually Andrew was able to talk to him. He had expected some lingering resentment or anger directed at him, but Andrew seemed to accept his punishment. Knowing this put Kurt at ease. As long as Andrew kept up this friendly and non-accusing demeanor, Kurt could work with him.

"So, you're not going to give me any crap?" Kurt asked when the elevator doors opened and they slowly made their way across the hallway.

Andrew let out a chuckle. "At the risk of going to jail? Baby, I'm on probation. I even have a record now. If I fuck up again, I'm screwed. Apparently they take this domestic abuse shit very serious."

"I'm glad they do," Kurt said, shifting his satchel from one shoulder to the other.

"Right," Andrew replied with a serious expression that made him look older. Somehow Kurt didn't want to leave on a bad note. He didn't want Andrew to think that he hated him or something. Because even after everything that had happened between them, Kurt didn't hate Andrew.

"You're doing a great job, by the way," Kurt complimented. "All of the other contestants already love you."

"Yeah," Andrew agreed with a laugh. "I guess I could have my pick." He ran a hand through his hair and gave a wry smile. "But the one that I'd choose is the only one who doesn't want me."

Kurt felt his heart pound hard in his chest. Was Andrew saying that he still had feelings for him? How could Andrew still like him after all the trouble Kurt had put him through?

For a moment they just stared at one another, not knowing what to say or do next.

Kurt was confused. He remembered how scared he had been of Andrew's violent side and how things had gotten out of control. But he also remembered the qualities he had first liked about Andrew. His honesty, his big mouth, his witty mind. Even his stupid jokes.

"Good night, babe," Andrew finally said and held the door for him. "See you tomorrow."

* * *

Blaine and Rachel sat curled up on the couch, playing a card game while they were waiting for Kurt to come home from the first day of working on the show.

"And I win again!" Rachel cheered, putting the winner card on top of the stack.

"You've got a professional poker face playing cards," Blaine complained. "It's so unfair."

"I know another person with a poker face," Rachel said and grabbed the bowl of popcorn.

"Kurt," Blaine agreed as he exhaled. He had tucked his legs up underneath him and took the stack of cards to shuffle them.

"I thought once we had him back he would loosen up," Rachel explained, throwing popcorn into her mouth. "But it's like he's determined not to let us in."

"He still has to process everything," Blaine reminded her. "It's only been a month since he left Andrew."

"Yes, but he isn't processing," Rachel pointed out fiercely. "He's become a workaholic again and he's avoiding us. I just want him to talk to us!"

"He's got his therapist to talk to," Blaine said with a shrug, although he shared her concerns. "He doesn't have to talk to us about how he's feeling."

"But he used to talk about everything with me." Rachel pouted.

"He will confide in you again," Blaine promised. "When he feels comfortable to share his feelings."

Rachel seemed to ponder his words while eating popcorn and watching Blaine shuffle the cards.

"Can I ask you something?" Rachel asked, lowering her voice. "Something personal?"

Blaine tilted his head with a wry smile. "We talk about personal stuff all the time, Rachel. What's there that we haven't discussed yet?"

She picked up a purple ribbon-embroidered cushion and began idly plucking at the tassels. "We haven't talked about you and Kurt in a while."

"What's there to talk about?" Blaine put his defenses up immediately, although he knew Rachel didn't mean any harm. But the topic of his non-existent relationship with Kurt was a sensitive one to Blaine.

"I just want to know what's going on between you two."

"Nothing."

"Exactly!" Rachel exclaimed. "What are you waiting for, Blaine?"

Blaine let out a snort. "Just two weeks ago you told me to take things slow."

"Yes, but that was two weeks ago," Rachel emphasized. "I had thought you'd be together again by now."

"Well, Kurt made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want a relationship and I respect that. We should concentrate on being friends and build up trust, you know. That's better than diving into a relationship again. I don't want to push him into anything."

"Sometimes people need a little push." Rachel nudged Blaine's knee with her foot. "It's not like he doesn't love you, because he does. He's just scared, because his relationship with you didn't work out as planned and his boyfriend after you was an asshole. He's just scared to give it another shot!"

"I know that he's scared," Blaine expressed. "So am I. What if I push my luck and get rejected again? What if this time we won't be able to stay friends? I just… I don't want to lose him, Rachel. One year not talking was hell. At least now we're friends again. I don't want to put that at risk."

"You can't just give up on him like that!"

"I'm not giving up. I just respect his wish about being no more than friends. Besides, I can show him that I care about him without using the l-word."

"Okay, if you're fine with the way things are between you two, then tell me why you slept with him the night he came back from Lima." Rachel inquired.

"How do you…? Ah, never mind." Blaine had figured that Rachel had noticed or that Kurt had told her about it. But that she would so directly talk about it made him blush.

"Kurt came up with the idea of being friends _with_ _benefits_," Blaine finally admitted.

Intrigued, Rachel leaned forward. "And since then?"

"Nothing else happened."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to _love_ Kurt. I don't want just sex. So it just happened that once and I'm not going to pursue it further."

Rachel arched her brows at him. "But maybe if you did…" She let it dangle.

Blaine shook his head.

"Blaine, it has to start _somewhere,"_ Rachel lectured him. "If being sex buddies is all he's offering you, then you should take it. Make him yours physically until he falls in love with you again emotionally."

"You sound like Chandler when he's raving on about his favorite soaps." Blaine let out a humorless chuckle.

"Pick up the _friends with benefits_ idea and tell him you want to have a go at it. I'm serious. There's no way Kurt is able to completely keep his emotions out of it. He's going to fall for you again eventually, trust me. Show him that you want him, body, heart and soul. Start with the body."

Blaine mused. "That actually makes sense – in a screwed up way."

"I'm telling you, you need to make him crave for you." Rachel beamed. "And you know what you need to do first?"

"What?"

"Get your own bed," Rachel advised. "So Kurt has the option to crawl into your bed at night."

"He won't do that," Blaine said with a ridiculous chuckle.

"You never know," Rachel replied. "And I'll make a show of telling him that I'm going to use earplugs from now on, because I can't stand the traffic noises or something, so he'll feel safe getting dirty with you."

"That's a little bit manipulative, Rachel, don't you think?"

"So what, if it works?"

"I want to be what Kurt _needs_ me to be right now: his friend. I don't want to overwhelm him with my feelings and I certainly won't play any schemes on him to get him back."

"It was just an idea," Rachel said, throwing her hands in the air.

Blaine resumed to shuffling cards, but his thoughts were circling around Rachel's idea. He had been honest about being content with just being Kurt's friend, but he couldn't deny that he would available for the job 'boyfriend' as soon as Kurt was ready to take him back.

Just then the door opened and Kurt entered, grinning from ear to ear.

"Kurt! You're back! How was it?" Rachel and Blaine were dying to hear about the first day.

"Guys, it was amazing!" Kurt flopped down on the couch between them. He was exhausted, but happy. "They have these amazing props and signs everywhere, reading 'Fashion Hero', all glitter and glamour and stardust," Kurt was gushing with sparkling eyes. "And I'm telling you, it really makes one feel like a star to have hairdressers and make up assistants fussing about you. After they were done with me I felt like a new person, I looked into the mirror and was surprised by how good I looked."

"Did you meet the star jury?" Rachel asked excitedly. "I'm dying to know who's going to judge."

"Sadly, no," Kurt said. "That's still a big secret. My guess is they don't have a jury yet. But I met the show's host. He knows a lot about the fashion business, so his questions are professional and well-considered. I was afraid the show would be like a joke, very shallow, you know. But I think they really know something about fashion and for all it's worth, at least it will make a good mark in my curriculum vitae."

"Did you already get the week's assignment?" Blaine asked.

"No, not yet. They'll announce the assignment tomorrow and then we'll have until Saturday to work on them. Thank God they won't film all day long, just for like an hour a day to get some idea of what everyone is doing. It would be extremely distracting if the camera was on me for every stitch I make."

"We haven't talked about our time schedule yet," Rachel reminded him.

"Right," Kurt said. "I talked to Isabelle and I still have to work my job, but I can be at the _Lifetime_ workshop from five until midnight every day. So it also shouldn't interfere with your college hours. I would need each of you just for a couple of hours every day, you can take shifts or whatever."

"Sounds great," Rachel said. "Is it okay if I take first shift then? Like, from five to seven? I don't want to stay up too late. I need my beauty sleep and all that jazz." She winked at them.

"Whatever suits you the best," Kurt replied. "I'm glad you're helping me at all, so I can't really command when you show up."

"The late shift is fine with me," Blaine said with a shrug. "I can stay for as long as you need me. Even until midnight."

"Thanks," Kurt said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the prospect of spending so much time with Blaine at night.

"Tell us about the competition!" Rachel inquired happily.

"Gosh, they're all gay!" Kurt exclaimed. "I swear, it's like a gay pride parade and I'm just another one of them! It will be really hard to stick out and make an impression."

"You'll never be just another one of anyone," Rachel said with a pouty smile.

"Aw, thanks." Kurt smiled at her and continued, "There are four women and six guys. I think all of them are gay, except for one. He wore cowboy boots and has got facial hair, but not in a cute stubble kind of way, more like a gross beard."

Rachel and Blaine both pulled a face.

"So, did you see Andrew?" Blaine suddenly asked, trying to sound casual about it, but it was clear that the question had been bothering him.

"Well, yes, he was around," Kurt answered honestly. "But we just talked briefly. No big deal."

"So he was nice to you?" Rachel asked for clarification.

"Yes, he was all professional, no hard feelings," Kurt assured her, hoping that his friends wouldn't dig further and make him explain his confusing emotions concerning Andrew.

"Good, that's really good," Rachel said and exchanged a pointed look with Blaine, clearly signaling him to shut up about the matter.

They talked on for a while but it wasn't until long that Rachel got to her feet and stretched with a yawn. "Alright, boys. I'd better get my bedtime rituals started. I have an early start tomorrow. You two go on having fun."

"I should get to bed early, too. I didn't sleep well last night," Kurt said. "Too excited."

"What does Bruce say to that?" Rachel asked with a mischievous grin.

Kurt glared at her, willing her to silence.

"Who's Bruce?" Blaine asked, confused and curious.

"He's Kurt's special friend," Rachel replied with a giddy laughter. "He usually helps him when he can't sleep."

"Shut up!" Kurt moved to catch her, but Rachel slipped from his grasp with a loud squeak.

"No seriously, who is it?" Blaine asked. He had the feeling that he missed something elementary. He wanted to know about the people in Kurt's life and never before has this Bruce guy been mentioned.

"Nobody you need to know," Kurt said through gritted teeth. "Rachel's just being silly."

"Goodnight, boys!" When Rachel left she gave Blaine a huge wink behind Kurt's back.

"I guess I'd better get to bed, too," Kurt quickly excused himself when he noticed that he was left alone with Blaine. He followed Rachel into the bathroom. Usually she didn't mind him around when she was under the shower, but as soon as the door was closed she turned on him. "Why are you following me, Kurt?"

"I just want to brush my teeth," he said, taken aback by her attack.

Rachel glared at him with her fists on her hips. "I need to talk to you about something," Rachel said, getting straight to the point. "You're avoiding Blaine and that's not okay."

"Is this why you insisted to get the first shift and let Blaine do the late hours with me?"

"Maybe," Rachel allowed. "Look, he doesn't know how to act around you anymore. How to just be a friend to you. He's afraid to overstep borders, and your behavior towards him doesn't make it easier."

"What do I do?" Kurt furrowed his brows.

"For instance, getting up extra early to make sure you're gone before we even wake up."

"You were the one pointing out a bathroom schedule," Kurt defended himself. "You should be thankful I use it extra early."

"You hardly talk to him," Rachel went on. "And if you do, you're either being overly polite or you're yelling at him."

"I don't yell at him," Kurt protested.

"How about that one time in the bathroom..."

"I brushed my teeth," Kurt said defensively. "You know I don't like to have someone watch me when I brush my teeth and I didn't yell at him!"

"I heard you over in my bedroom," Rachel argued, crossing her arms.

"He startled me, okay? I still have to get used to having him around. It's not easy to suddenly live with your ex-boyfriend."

"You'll never get used to the situation if you keep avoiding him," Rachel pointed out.

"The thing is," Kurt admitted with a sigh. "I don't know how to act around him either, okay? I don't want to mess up. I already hurt him enough."

"So it's not nothing personally against him?" Rachel clarified.

"It's nothing personal," Kurt assured her.

"Then prove it. Go and sit with him at least for an hour," Rachel challenged. "You're not able to sleep anyway because you're too wound up from today's events. Might as well sit with your friend."

Kurt took a deep breath as he left the bathroom and found Blaine working on a paper on the couch. He felt like it took some courage just to spend time with his friend and he knew that Rachel was right. It shouldn't be like this between them. He crossed the room swiftly and stood next to the couch.

Blaine looked up inquiringly.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Kurt asked with a light chuckle. "Rachel will be a while in the bathroom."

"Sure," Blaine beamed and put his textbook away. Instantly Kurt felt guilty to see how happy Blaine seemed to be about this little bit of attention.

Panicked, Kurt reached for the remote. "Do you want to watch something?"

"No," Blaine said quickly. "We could talk."

"Talk about what?" Kurt asked rather suspiciously.

"Just talk," Blaine assured him. "About anything. Tell me about your ideas for the show."

Kurt relaxed and let out a cute chuckle. "You don't want to hear me talk about fashion, Blaine. Believe me, when the next six weeks are over you'll be sick of me talking about fashion."

"I'll never be sick of anything you say," Blaine assured him.

Kurt gave him a thin smile. "You say so now. You may think differently in a few weeks or months."

Blaine narrowed his eyes at the sudden seriousness in Kurt's voice. "Is that what you're worried about? That I may grow sick of you? Did I give you any reason to believe that I wouldn't stick around?" There was no accusation in his voice, just the need to know if he had done something wrong.

Kurt hesitated. "Could we please not have this conversation?"

"What kind of conversation?"

"You know what I mean," Kurt chided softly. "I don't want to talk about _us_."

"All I'm saying is that you don't need to worry about me disappearing from your life," Blaine pointed out again. "I like you just the way you are. Even if you talked nonstop about fashion."

Kurt remained guarded. "You still see me as the boy you loved back in high school," he carefully stated. "I'm not that person anymore."

Blaine let out a soft chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Kurt frowned.

"It's just…" Blaine gave a shrug. "That's exactly what I think you still see in me. The person I was in high school. Am I right?"

Kurt seemed to consider this for a moment. He took up the stack of cards, shuffling them, before he replied.

"It's not really what I still see in you, but more like what I still sometimes fantasize about," Kurt admitted, carefully weighing his words. He settled deeper into the couch and tilted his head at Blaine. "I often daydream about the past. You were the sun and the moon for me. My heart was so filled up with you that I couldn't imagine to ever be without you. What we had was so sweet and exciting. It was an amazing first love and I'm so glad that we shared that."

A sudden nausea started in the pit of Blaine's stomach. He hated the way Kurt talked in the past tense.

"But I'm afraid that we can never have that again," Kurt went on with an air of sadness. "I worry that if we start anew it can only end up in disappointment because we will expect things to be like they used to be and we will compare the present to the past, but we will never get back what we had. We both have changed and I don't know if the new you and the new me still match together."

Blaine's heart was pounding hard and hurtful in his chest. Suddenly the fear was back, the incredible all overwhelming fear of losing Kurt, of having lost him already, of never getting him back.

"Not everything has changed!" Blaine disagreed and leaned forward to take Kurt's hand. "Does this still feel the same? Because to me it does. Holding your hand will always mean the world to me, Kurt. We could make this work, I know we could."

"Blaine," Kurt gently retreated his hand. "Of course it's nice to lose oneself in sweet memories and we have a lot to choose from. But we have to stay realistic here. It's best for us to just stay friends."

"Yeah, that's the easy way," Blaine stated rather briskly. He grabbed the stack of cards that Kurt had laid aside and started shuffling them again. The motion somehow soothed him. "That way nobody gets hurt, right?"

Blaine turned away so Kurt wouldn't see him fighting back tears. He felt the same all-consuming panic that he had felt back at the time when Kurt's texting with Chandler had been an issue, back when Kurt was about to graduate. Just tonight, the panic was a thousand times more intense. Because now they were sitting next to each other and Kurt refused holding hands. This time Kurt didn't assure him that they were going to be all right. Instead Kurt was telling him that he didn't know if they could ever be something again.

"Do you want to know what I liked about Andrew?" Kurt suddenly said. He didn't wait for Blaine to answer, but went right on.

"Andrew always said what he wanted. He voiced his opinions and needs and he didn't expect people to read his mind. You on the other hand would never say out loud what was going on in your head. You expect people to just _know_. But tell me, how was I supposed to know what you needed and wanted? I wouldn't have minded you getting angry with me and telling me that you felt like I didn't pay enough attention to you. It would have given me a chance to make things right. But you wallow in self-pity rather than talking about what's bothering you. _That's_ the _easy _way, Blaine."

All of a sudden Blaine was outraged. "Are you seriously comparing me to _him?"_ Blaine burst out and threw the cards away, letting them rain over both of them. "Andrew hit you! He pushed you around like a piece of trash! Yet you tell me that you prefer him over me? Is this your sick way of punishing me?"

For a long second they stared at one another, both shocked by Blaine's outburst. Then Kurt's gaze shifted to the cards that were widespread around them. Kurt looked like he was about to cry and for an awful second Blaine wanted him to.

As the shock wore off, Blaine wiped a couple of aces off his legs, got to his feet and stormed out. He knew he had to get out or else he might say more hurtful things that he would regret. So he climbed out of the window on the fire escape to cool off in the night air. He was shivering, not from the cold breeze, but from the anger he felt.

Blaine drew a couple of calming breaths and welcomed the cold numbing his body and his feelings.

"This isn't fair," a weak voice behind him said.

Blaine turned around to find that Kurt had followed him outside.

Kurt was hugging himself, his pale skin even paler in the moonlight. He looked so lost and vulnerable. Seeing Kurt like this made Blaine remember that Kurt would never hurt him on purpose. They both were victims in this crazy game. Realizing this, Blaine's anger receded as quickly as it had flamed up.

"I'm not punishing you for anything," Kurt went on, his voice shaking with emotion. "I don't want to make you miserable, Blaine. You know I didn't mean to make it sound like Andrew was a better boyfriend than you."

"I know and I'm sorry that I yelled at you," Blaine apologized instantly and moved to close the distance between them but Kurt held up a warning hand.

"This is why I didn't want to have this conversation with you," Kurt said with a hitch in his breathing. "I don't want to talk about how we can make this work because we shouldn't have to make it work in the first place. No matter what we do, we just end up hurting one another. I can't think about love or relationships now, Blaine." Kurt started fanning himself with his hands, trying to speak with sudden tears choking him.

"Inside I'm still so messed up, I need to get myself together again, get myself whole again before I can even start thinking about being half of a couple. Most of the time I feel like I'm on a tightrope and I have to choose each step very carefully or else I will fall and hit the ground hard."

"Kurt..." Blaine moved to embrace his friend, but Kurt flinched away as if he expected him to strike out. Blaine was shocked by this reaction. Kurt should know that Blaine wasn't anything like Andrew. Not the good parts and definitely not the bad parts. He vowed to himself that he would never become anything like Andrew.

"And you don't _want_ to understand me," Kurt said accusingly. "You twist my words around until they hurt you. That's why I avoided talking to you, because I knew you'd purposely misunderstand me. You're punishing yourself, Blaine, you _want_ to be miserable, but that's not what _I_ want."

Blaine stepped back, baffled by such an accusation. "I don't…"

"You think you deserve it that I treat you like crap, but I'm not going to treat you like I hate you, because I don't. Do you seriously think that I still want to punish you for cheating? That I refuse to be with you because I'm still mad at you? I guess that only shows that you don't know me anymore."

Blaine could see that Kurt was fighting back tears, but eventually he lost. As if suddenly the world weighted too heavy on his shoulders, Kurt slumped down on the stairs and covered his face in his hands.

"You're right," Blaine admitted. "I still feel awful about my cheating. And I would totally understand if you gave me a hard time about it still. But you don't. Ever since I came to New York you've been nothing but sweet to me, whether I deserve it or not. And I told myself that it would be fine to just be friends with you, but I can't deny that I want more."

With a sigh Blaine kneeled down in front of Kurt. He wanted so much to embrace Kurt and give him comfort; it hurt not being allowed to.

"I don't want to pressure you, Kurt. I'm here to support you. And I'm sorry that I flipped out. It's just when I hear you talk about Andrew… I understand that you had feelings for him. I just feel like he doesn't deserve your kindness, he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. And that you're still able to see the good side of him… I don't understand that part, but I respect it. I don't like it, but I respect it, okay?"

"Thank you," Kurt said, wiping a stray tear off his cheek.

"I just want you to know that I won't give up on _us,"_ Blaine said with a soft voice. Tentatively, he let his fingers trace the lines on the back of Kurt's hand, until Kurt turned his hand to entwine their fingers. Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand tight with his own. It was just a small gesture, but Blaine was so relieved that Kurt didn't refuse his hand.

"I don't know how to feel. I wish everything was easier, but I'm just a mess." There was pure resignation in Kurt's voice. "And right now I need all my energy for this competition."

"I understand." Blaine assured him quickly. "I'm here to be your friend. But perhaps it would be a good idea to get to know one another properly again. Just to see if the new you and the new me still are compatible. What do you think?"

This earned him a genuine smile from Kurt. "I'd like that."

* * *

Kurt didn't want Rachel to see that he'd been crying, so they waited outside for a while longer until they were sure that Rachel had gone to bed. Kurt used the bathroom first, getting ready for bed, and then vanished behind his bedroom curtain.

Blaine lingered in the bathroom, brushing his teeth extra long to stall time.

He felt like they had made a huge step towards one another. They needed to have such a serious and stirring conversation, and although it had been very tearful, Blaine felt hopeful again.

In fact, he felt so hopeful that he dared pushing his luck a bit further. Blaine didn't want to sleep next to Rachel. He didn't mind the way she would snuggle up against him, but tonight the only person he wanted to have nestled against him was Kurt. Blaine couldn't bear knowing that Kurt was all alone tonight, perhaps even crying some more on his own.

There was no door to knock on, so Blaine stood in front of the curtain and knocked softly on the side of Kurt's closet that parted the room. "Kurt," he whisper-called. "Can I come in, please?"

"What do you want?" Kurt mumbled sleepily.

"Can I sleep with you? In your bed, I mean. Next to you," Blaine stuttered and felt his cheeks going hot. "I don't want to sleep next to Rachel tonight. Please?"

He heard a resigned sigh coming from where Kurt was lying in the dark. "Come in."

It was no problem to find his way through the dark since for the last couple of months this had been Blaine's bedroom. He crawled on the bed and beneath the covers. But when he scooted closer to Kurt and tried to put an arm around his friend – in the hope of not getting grumbled at – he found that something else was already draped around Kurt.

"What is this?" Blaine asked, absolutely baffled.

"This had to happen sooner or later." With another sigh Kurt switched on the nightstand lamp. "Meet Bruce."

Blaine's eyes got round at the sight of the pillow thing. His surprise turned into amusement. "So this is Bruce, huh?"

"Go on, make fun of me," Kurt offered with resignation.

"No, I wouldn't dare making fun of … this." Blaine chuckled and bit down on his lips. "Bruce seems to be one hell of a bedmate. I couldn't compete with him."

"How do you feel now that you know you've been jealous of a boyfriend pillow?" Kurt teased him and waggled Bruce's arm in front of Blaine's face.

Blaine let out another chuckle. "Oh, I'm definitely even more jealous now that I get to see him in all his glory. Can I hold him?"

"No, we're exclusive," Kurt said, hugging the boyfriend pillow to his chest. After a moment, however, he tossed the pillow on the floor. "But I have to admit it feels like hugging Edward when actually I'm team Jacob. Do you mind if I steal some warmth from you?"

Kurt turned around to use Blaine as a boyfriend pillow.

"Go ahead," Blaine said, trying not to sound as thrilled about the prospect of cuddling as he secretly was. "I'll be your hot werewolf tonight. Do you want me to strip my shirt, just like Taylor Lautner?" Blaine offered teasingly.

"Oh, shut up," Kurt muttered and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, then shuffling a bit downwards to lay on his chest. "Just keep your hands to yourself. You'd best pretend I'm Rachel."

"That won't work," Blaine murmured, draping one arm around Kurt's shoulders. "My body recognizes you."

Kurt chuckled lightly and the sound vibrated on Blaine's chest.

"It does, doesn't it?" Kurt teased, with one hand trailing down and resting on Blaine's stomach.

Blaine started thinking about the _friends with benefits_ idea again and about what Rachel had advised him to do. The idea became more and more tempting, and if Kurt was up to it, Blaine wouldn't mind ending their emotional exchange with some physical distraction. He lay stock-still while contemplating his choices and trying to gather the courage to push his luck some more and just act on it.

"Kurt..." he said in a soft luring voice, letting his fingers circle down on the small of Kurt's back. When he didn't get a response, he spoke a little bit louder. "Kurt?"

All he received was a light snoring sound. Kurt had fallen asleep.

"Sweet dreams, my love," Blaine whispered and wrapped his arms around his friend.

* * *

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* * *

**A special hug goes to _LaurenEP18_ for being a fabulous beta and a great help! (Also an amazing writer! Check out her stories!)**


	4. Chapter 4

**About Trust**

**Chapter 4**

When Kurt woke up the next morning, everything was warm and cozy and Bruce felt like a living, breathing creature with a raging boner and... Wait, what? Kurt's mind was fully awake now. However, his relief to find Blaine instead of Bruce underneath him was short-lived, because... boner.

And Blaine wasn't the only one. Apparently, Kurt's body had decided to play along.

The worst thing was that Kurt was half lying on top of Blaine, his right leg stuck between both of Blaine's and if he just moved an inch, the friction became mind-numbing. There was no chance he'd get off of Blaine without waking him up.

"Mmmh, morning sex?" Blaine asked sleepily.

"No," Kurt rasped into Blaine's shoulder.

"You sure?" Blaine moved his hips around and pressed his hands down on the small Kurt's back until a shuddered moan escaped Kurt's throat.

"Stop moving!" Kurt whimpered.

"That bad?" Blaine frowned.

"That _good_," Kurt countered with a low moan.

Blaine moved to kiss him, but Kurt dipped his head down. Instead, Blaine tried to kiss his neck, but Kurt put his hand over Blaine's mouth. "No hickeys!"

They lay motionless for a few seconds until Blaine started giggling.

"What do you want to do?" Blaine asked with a chuckle, his voice muffled by Kurt's hand. "Wait it out?"

Kurt puffed a resigned sigh into Blaine's shoulder. It was no use denying the sexual tension between them when he had a boner as hard and big as the Empire State Building.

"Blaine, we're friends," Kurt reminded him.

"Yeah, with benefits," Blaine added.

This made Kurt look up with surprise. "I thought you didn't want that."

"I'm changing my mind right now," Blaine said with slight shrug.

Kurt smiled broadly at that. "You're such a jerk."

"Can't help it." Blaine slipped his hands on Kurt's buttocks to increase the pressure.

"Okay, okay," Kurt panted. "This is how it works: no hands, and clothes stay on."

"You're making up the rules as you go," Blaine complained.

"Deal with it," Kurt countered. He grabbed for Blaine's hands, intertwining their fingers to keep their hands from straying.

Blaine looked up at him, his mouth slightly open, his breathing intensifying as their bodies started to rock against one another. Kurt held his gaze, his blue eyes glazing over as the friction increased.

"Kurt..." Blaine was pleading. "God, let me touch you." He squeezed Kurt's hands hard, needing to be released and touch Kurt's body, but Kurt pressed their hands down into the pillows.

"No talking," Kurt instructed.

Blaine raised his head to meet Kurt's lips, but Kurt eluded him again.

_No kissing, either,_ Blaine thought disappointed.

But instead of getting frustrated, he concentrated on the delicious little sounds Kurt made and the way his lover's breath was hot on the side of his neck. Most wonderful of all was the way Kurt's whole body shivered on top of him, wanting, needing, demanding more of the addictive sensation.

Blaine held back until he was sure Kurt was close to climaxing so they could come together. Kurt slumped down on top of Blaine, his breathing slowing down into a humming. It was that cute humming sound Kurt made when he was blissful and satisfied. Oh how Blaine had missed hearing that sound.

Finally Blaine could free his hands and embrace Kurt. He put his hands flat on Kurt's back, just holding him close. Blaine started to think that, yes, this was what he wanted. He wanted for Kurt to come to him if he needed sexual release. No one else but him. It didn't matter that Kurt's feelings were still confused and Kurt wouldn't tell him that he loved him. All that mattered was that Blaine loved him. As long as Kurt didn't turn to another man, Blaine would be content with just being friends with benefits.

"I'll use the shower first." Kurt said, slowly untangling himself from Blaine.

"Let's safe water and take a shower together," Blaine suggested, feeling high with hormones and happiness.

"Nice try," Kurt replied with a chuckle and kissed Blaine on the cheek before he moved to leave the bed.

But Blaine grabbed Kurt's arm to hold him back. "Seriously? On the cheek? Kurt, we just..." He gestured towards their lower bodies with his free hand.

"I'm not making out with you," Kurt countered. "We're not together and we have to draw a line _somewhere!"_

"All I'm asking for is a kiss on the mouth," Blaine said, tapping his finger on his lips. "You said you wanted me to say out loud what I want and what bothers me, right?"

"Right," Kurt said with a smirk tugging up the corners of his mouth. "Thank you for letting me know that you'd like a peck on the mouth rather than on the cheek."

"And?" Blaine expectantly pursed his lips.

"Sorry, but you're not getting one," Kurt replied with a mischievous spark in his eyes, moving to the edge of the bed.

"Oh, you're evil!" Blaine protested. "You enjoy refusing to kiss me."

"You did ask for a little punishment, didn't you?" Kurt replied with a chuckle.

"Come on!" Blaine pleaded loudly. "That's cruel! We're friends, don't be like that!"

"Alright," Kurt came crawling back over the mattress, grinning from ear to ear. "Just lower your voice or else Rachel will wake up and think we're doing some sort of S&M role-play."

With a giggle Kurt leaned over Blaine and gave him a chaste kiss. Instantly Blaine trapped Kurt in his arms and held him close, pressing his mouth against Kurt's.

"Hmm!" Kurt protested at first, but when Blaine wouldn't release him, Kurt resigned and relaxed into the kiss.

Blaine slowly nibbled and sucked at Kurt's lips, increasing the pressure to animate Kurt to return the kiss. But it was just when Blaine started a deep humming sound in the back of his throat that Kurt couldn't resist anymore. It was as if the humming vibrated throughout Kurt's whole body that was stretched on top of the length of Blaine's.

Blaine's hands were slowly but insistently rubbing up and down Kurt's back, ruffling the fabric of the annoying pajamas top and slipping his hands on the warm sweaty skin of his friend.

Kurt felt that he was getting hard again and his mind told him to stop, but the kissing felt so good and Blaine's hands knew just exactly how to get him relaxed and stimulated at the same time.

Within seconds they were full-on making out with tongues and all.

Blaine placed a hand on the back of Kurt's neck to keep him in place as he slowly rolled them over until he was on top, straddling Kurt. "Let me love you again, Kurt," Blaine murmured between kisses and with one hand caressing Kurt's chest underneath the shirt. "I want to make love to you as your lover and not as your friend," Blaine's voice was enticing and for a second Kurt was tempted. But then he placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder to keep him at bay.

"Get off of me," Kurt demanded, breathless.

Clearly being rebuffed, Blaine released Kurt and sat back down on the mattress, watching as Kurt scooted over to the edge of the bed.

"You're the evil one," Kurt said without looking at Blaine, this time the amusement had disappeared from his voice. He got out of bed and vanished behind the curtain.

* * *

"So I take it you had a great night?" Rachel asked Blaine over coffee before they left for their respective colleges.

"Well, it wasn't exactly great, but at least a step forward," Blaine ventured. "Plus, this morning was definitely more in the benefits area."

"Details!" Rachel begged. "Details, Blaine!"

"I'll just say that we woke up with wood," Blaine told exclusively, even allowing himself to sound a bit proud about it. "And took care of it."

Rachel was intrigued. "By handjob or blowjob or what?"

"Don't be so curious."

"Neither, then." Rachel clapped her hands happily. "Oh, it makes me so happy when my favorite gays get some."

"No, we didn't have sex," Blaine clarified.

"What did you do then?" Rachel asked, running out of options. "Dry-humping?" she asked jokingly. When Blaine didn't say a word, she exclaimed, "Oh, my God! You _were_ dry-humping?" Rachel asked with barely concealed amusement in her voice.

"Technically, yes," Blaine admitted. "But it felt like much more."

"Oh God!" Now Rachel was laughing out loud.

"Hey, stop laughing," Blaine said, feeling a bit offended. "I know that this doesn't seem to be a big deal, but I for one am already happy that Kurt let me sleep in the same bed and woke up next to me. I mean, that's more than I could ask for some time ago."

"I'm sorry, it's cool that you're taking things slow and _dry..."_ She cracked up laughing again.

"You're totally busting my high spirits, Rachel." Blaine put his mug into the sink and grabbed his satchel. "I'm gone."

* * *

Kurt sat next to Genius, that incredibly obnoxious guy with platinum blond hair and the need to talk about himself endlessly. They had been paired for an interview, which really was more an exchange of gossip than an actual interview.

Kurt had his legs crossed and clutched his knee with both hands, trying not to roll his eyes at every other sentence coming out of that huge mouth, but to no avail. Kurt had his most judgmental expression directed at his opponent. Most annoying was the constantly raised pinky. Could Genius be any more gay? It made Kurt wonder if Genius was being himself or putting up an act to come across as absolute gold star gay.

How could one single person be that annoying and get to be permanently in the spotlight on national television? Sure, it was common on stupid reality shows, but this fashion talent show was a serious matter, at least to Kurt. God, he hoped it wouldn't turn into one of those ridiculous shows that everybody made fun of.

"And what do you think of that, Kurt?" the interviewer asked and Kurt blinked awake.

"I'm sorry, I dozed off," Kurt replied with a charming smile. "Obnoxious, narcissistic show-offs have that effect on me."

"You're just piqued because I have a way with words," Genius said to him with a sneer.

"No," Kurt replied calmly. "I'm just a little bit confused as to what you're doing here. You have no sense of fashion whatsoever, no style, no knowledge, and seeing how you dress, not even a mirror."

Genius gaped at him, finally speechless. Then he stormed off.

The interviewer chuckled and gave Kurt a thumbs-up. "That's the kind of competitive banter we want for this show. Well done."

Definitely feeling good about himself, Kurt got off the chair and walked back to the make-up room when suddenly one of the other contestants walked up to him.

"You're Kurt Hummel, right?" It was the tall British guy with the irritating constant smile on his face. He stood with both hands casually stuffed into the pockets of his jeans and a slightly tilted head. His blue eyes were wrinkled with laugh lines as he was watching Kurt intensively.

"Uh, wow, you know my name?" Kurt was genuinely surprised. "Everybody here just calls me Kurt Fox."

"I know, but I don't like that," the young man said, scrunching up his nose. "Your real name's got more style. Reminds me of the little Hummel figurines. Do you know them? My grandma had a collection. Very precious beautiful little things."

"Thank you," Kurt replied, now he was intrigued. "I'm sorry but I didn't catch your name. The only name that stuck to mind from everyone around here was _Genius."_

"Right, he's one of a kind," the tall guy said with a lopsided smile and struck out his hand. "My name's Adam Crawford."

"Hi Adam, always nice to meet the competition," Kurt replied, shaking the other one's hand, noting that it was soft and warm.

"I don't like to look at it that way," Adam replied. "For me it's not about competing or about who's the best designer or who's the best looking. It's more about who's got the most spirit and who can have the most fun."

"Wow," Kurt blinked. "I never thought about it like that."

Adam shrugged. "Hey, we're all in the same boat together."

"Yes, but in the end only one of us can sail to the other side. Everyone else ends up with the sharks." Kurt said jokingly.

Adam laughed loudly at that. "Ah, before I forget, Kurt, I just have to tell you that I enjoyed your blog on Project Runway. Your ideas are absolutely fantastic."

"You read those?" Kurt was flattered.

"I _loved_ them!" Adam smiled again and his dimples showed. "I was excited to hear you're one of the contenders in this show. You have a very sharp mind and a hilarious way with words. If this career doesn't work out you should definitely become a fashion critic."

"Thank you," Kurt replied. "But I'm definitely planning on winning this thing. I save my critiques for free time fun."

"Oh, like I said I'm here for the fun of it, actually." Adam replied. "Don't get me wrong, I can get really passionate about fashion, and I admire a good ensemble of clothing, but I also love to perform. I'm a student at NYADA. But I want to explore many things, you know. Just so that I have a lot of choices in case one thing doesn't turn out. I was absolutely stunned to get chosen in this game. But I'm not surprised to see you here. I have to admit that I'm so jealous that you've got an internship at Vogue dot com. That's very impressive."

Kurt smiled. He found it very interesting that even although Adam claimed to be jealous, he sounded rather happy for Kurt.

"Thanks. Isabelle's great. She's got my back with this show. She told me to dream big and to work hard and do anything in my power to make it happen. That's why I'm here. To make my dream come true."

"Wow," Adam said. "I really like your attitude. I hope we have more time to chat later."

"Yeah, I mean, we'll be stuck in the same room together for the next six weeks. I bet we'll have plenty of opportunities to chat."

"That'd be lovely." A dazzling smile appeared on Adam's lips. "See you around then." As Adam strode off Kurt felt a funny tingling sensation inside, like the flutter of a dozen butterflies, and he caught himself staring after Adam.

Out of nowhere Genius came to him, blocking his view with his long face. "Is it true that you're sleeping with Andrew?"

"What? Who says that?" Kurt was shocked back to reality.

"He was your boyfriend, wasn't he?" Genius demanded to know.

"I don't think that's any of your business," Kurt replied harshly.

"That's a yes." With a fat grin Genius walked off.

"Oh my," one of the girl contestants who had been standing nearby turned to Kurt. "You should be glad he didn't say that in front of the cameras. That's the kind of shit they would totally put in the press and soon nobody would care how talented you are, everybody would rip off their mouths about you sleeping with the crew to win."

"It's not true," Kurt suddenly felt the need to explain himself. "Yes, I dated him, but that's over and I never slept with him."

"Hey, no need to tell me your bedroom stories," the girl held up her hands with a laugh. "I don't care, sweetie. You can sleep with all of New York as far as I'm concerned." She gave him a friendly nudge. "Don't worry about the talk. There are more important things to do."

"You're right," Kurt let out a sigh.

"I'm Dana, by the way. Dana Panda." She was tall with black hair and black-rimmed glasses. Kurt noted that she wore red Chucks and tight black jeans.

"I'm Kurt," he shook hands with her. "Kurt..."

"Fox, I know!" Dana winked at him. "I really dig your tail."

They were summoned to gather in the show room. The cameras were rolling and the host was about to announce their first assignment.

"Alright, alright. Everyone gather around." Michael DeVitino, the host of the show, was a tall guy with too much hair gel holding his dark brown curls down. He always spoke in an alluring voice that became very hypnotic if you listened to it long enough.

Kurt and the others formed a semi circle around the man as he straightened out his collar and slicked back his hair, "Now, I know you're all very excited about finding out what your first challenge will be."

The contestants all nodded in unison, Kurt had to jerk back a bit to avoid the camera in his face that was moving slowly in front of all the contestants to get their reactions, "For your first challenge, you will be designing cocktail party outfits. Since each of you has two models working for you, we expect their outfits to coincide. If we were to switch up the pairings of models, we should be able to match them up by their outfits."

Kurt nodded to himself, taking mental notes while a few of his peers took literal notes in mini notepads,

"Okay. Now, get to work!" The man said in send-off. After a beat, the cameras pulled away and the crew led them to their next destination.

Kurt caught a glimpse of their host as he was just producing a comb out of his sleeve and let it run over his sleazy hair. It made Kurt realize how much he appreciated that Blaine had dropped his awful habit of using too much hair gel. Blaine looked so much better with less gel taming his unruly curls.

They all walked into a large room that was subdivided with ten workstations for each contender. Each workstation was surrounded with a private partition that was about four feet tall, so you could still watch the others. They were provided with materials and equipment, but also with a small budget, so they could go out and buy fabrics and stuff if they needed something extra.

Everybody went out to occupy a workstation and inspect the equipment.

"Do you mind if I take the place next to yours, Kurt?"

Kurt looked up and found himself staring into the kind, warm, blue eyes of the British guy.

"No, not at all," he managed to answer.

"Great!" Adam said, flashing him a bright smile.

Kurt quickly turned around to vanish from Adam's sight, pretending he was particularly interested in his new sewing machine, because he didn't want the other to notice the way he blushed.

"Hey, foxy Kurt!" Penelope the punk designer with the pink hair came up to Kurt. She didn't stop walking, but in bypassing she said, "I hear you've dated the coach," she added a coughed, "Slut!"

"Boy, that went around quickly," Kurt murmured to himself. He snuck a glance at Adam. He was sure that his neighbor had overheard Penelope's hateful remark, but apparently Adam chose not to comment on it, which Kurt was grateful for.

He took a look at his watch. Rachel would come at five, so that gave him two hours to come up with an idea and prepare for it.

"Hey Kurt," the British accent waved over to him. Adam leaned over the partition and jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Wanna check out the store room together?"

"Yes, let's go!" Kurt hurried along. Anything to escape the judgmental eyes of everyone.

The storeroom was amazing. Kurt was inspired by half of the offered fabrics and accessories already. He felt like Alice in Wonderland, it was an absolute joy for any designer wannabe.

"Oh my God, this is heaven!" Adam exclaimed. Kurt was thrilled by the fact that Adam was equally excited about the sight of fabrics, but then again Adam wouldn't be here if he wasn't.

Kurt made sure to keep a wide berth around the others. He wasn't keen on being the target of any more mean remarks concerning his past relationship with Andrew. But he quickly forgot all about his distress, because he had such great fun exploring all of the stuff together with Adam. Kurt noticed that Adam stayed by his side all of the time and blissfully ignored the other contestants walking around, too.

"Hey Kurt, do you think this hat suits me?" Adam called out and Kurt turned around to see Adam wearing an ugly canari yellow hat with grapes and other fruits hanging off the side. Adam struck a pose, and Kurt cracked up laughing.

* * *

"Oh, my God," Rachel exclaimed with her hands covering her mouth as Kurt led her through the room, passing the other contenders on the way to his workstation. "This is your workshop? It's so cute!" Rachel enthusiastically jumped around his table and inspected his equipment. "Oh, I love these fabrics, they are so soft!" She grabbed some of his chosen fabrics and rubbed the material on her cheek.

"Don't get your make-up on it." Kurt lifted the garment from her grasp and placed it carefully behind him and out of her reach. "You can stand on that pedestal, please. I need to take your measurements."

She did as he asked and looked over and around. From her higher position on a pedestal she had a good view over the walls separating the many workstations. "Did you make friends already?" Rachel asked. "Or is everyone _the_ _enemy?"_ She air-quoted the last word.

"That girl over there with the dark hair and the glasses?" Kurt nodded to a workstation to his left. "She's nice, I think. At least she's not as canting as everyone else. Her name's Dana. Then there's this British guy, a bit sloppy in dressing but very cute. He works in the station next to mine but he seems to be out right now."

Rachel glanced over to the worktable next to them, checking out the fabrics Kurt's neighbor had already chosen for the assignment.

"What's his name?" Rachel squinted her eyes at what looked like a funny yellow hat with fruit.

"Adam something. He's tall with broad shoulders and dimples when he smiles," Kurt said casually but with a fond smile. "He goes to NYADA, too. Do you know him per chance?"

"Adam? Oh, no. Not the Adam from Adam's Apples?" Rachel raised her brows in dislike. "They're like the outcasts of NYADA. Not cool."

"He's a singer?" Kurt asked, intrigued. "Is he good?"

"I wouldn't know," Rachel said. "I'm keeping a wide berth around the Apples as not to get infected with their _let's_ _just have fun_ attitude. You need to take things seriously if you want to make it in NYADA, you know."

Kurt noticed that Rachel was distracted and he looked over to where her gaze was directed at. It was Andrew who had caught her eye. Right now Andrew was giving Genius some advice and Genius acted like he was a star. It sickened Kurt to see how the others acted around Andrew, but he refused to think that what he felt was jealousy.

"Doesn't it make you nervous that Andrew is around?" Rachel asked lowering her voice. "Because it makes me nervous."

"No, not really," Kurt said truthfully. It was rather distracting, because he caught himself looking around for Andrew every now and then.

Just then Andrew came over to them, beaming at them. "Rachel," Andrew called out in a joyful voice. "So nice to see you again. Gosh, you make a beautiful model. Well done, Kurt. She's an excellent choice."

Flustered by this unexpected greeting Rachel smiled back. "Thanks, Andrew."

"See you later!" As quickly as he'd appeared Andrew left again, giving them a thumbs-up on his way.

"Wow, I didn't expect him to remember my name." Rachel said to Kurt, following Andrew with her eyes.

"He can be pretty charming if he wants to." Kurt replied with a slight shrug.

"I still can't believe what he did to you," Rachel sighed.

"What do you mean, you can't believe it?" Kurt asked, looking up at her, completely baffled.

"Oh, no, I believe you. I mean, I _know_ what he did to you," Rachel quickly amended. "It's just that he seems like such a sweet person that one would never think he'd be capable of... you know."

Kurt knew just too well that looks could be deceiving. Andrew was nothing but sweet to him now. So sweet that sometimes Kurt almost forgot that this was the same man who had used violence to keep Kurt down. But then again sometimes Kurt could still feel Andrew's fingers dig into his skin until Kurt whimpered, too proud to beg to be released but unable to stifle the moans of pain.

A shudder went through Kurt's body at the memory and he forced himself to concentrate on the task at hand which was getting Rachel to stand still so he could take her measurements.

"Hey Kurt!"

Kurt looked up to see that Adam was back and with him were two extraordinary beautiful people.

"May I introduce my model friends? This is Ashleigh," Adam gestured towards the tall skinny redhead. Kurt's first thought was that it would be a challenge to create outfits for her, because of the bright red color of her big curly hair that reminded him of Disney's Merida.

"And Donovan." The two models waved hello at Kurt.

"Ashleigh, Donovan, this is my favorite competitor, Kurt Hummel."

"Hi guys," Kurt greeted, waving back. "This is my friend Rachel. She's my model."

"Hi there," Rachel said, giving Adam a critical once-over.

"I know you!" Adam said, sticking his hand out to shake Rachel's. "You're famous in NYADA! I loved your performance at the last Winter Showcase. You were amazing!"

"Oh, thank you!" Rachel smiled broadly, completely won over in an instance.

For the next couple of hours Rachel went on talking and talking. Most of the time Kurt was able to drown out her chatter, but at times she would insist a reply.

"Knock, knock," Blaine said, suddenly leaning casually in the opening of the partition.

"Blaine!" Rachel exclaimed, jumping off the chair she had lounged in.

"Come on in," Kurt said, checking his watch. He hadn't noticed how time flew by.

"This place is truly amazing," Blaine said excitedly. "I had kind of a heart attack just being in the elevator. Gosh, Kurt, I knew you were working here, but only now I realized you're working _here! _This is _Lifetime!"_

"Your life, your time," Kurt recited the channel's slogan with a smile.

"See you at home, boys," Rachel said, throwing on her coat as if she was in a hurry to get away. "Have fun!"

"This is work," Kurt corrected her and rolled his eyes when she was gone. "She's under the impression this is all just for fun." Kurt told Blaine, who took off his scarf and jacket. "I think she doesn't get how important this is to me. And she wouldn't stop talking. I hardly could concentrate on what I was doing."

"Okay, so my job is to keep my mouth shut," Blaine observed. "Got it."

"I don't mean to be rude, but..." Kurt started, but then let out a sigh. "Yes, it would be great if you wouldn't distract me with too much talking. I'd really appreciate that."

"It's okay, I totally get it," Blaine assured him with a smile. He clapped his hands together. "Where do you want me?"

"Over here, on the little pedestal. First, I need to measure your exact sizes." Kurt proceeded with professional skills, staying absolutely focused whereas Blaine would be distracted by the slightest touch of Kurt's hands on him.

"Kurt, about this morning... can I just say that..." Blaine started in a low voice, seeking Kurt's eyes. He knew he shouldn't push the point, but he felt like they weren't okay and he needed them to be okay.

"What happened this morning won't happen again," Kurt said strictly, interrupting Blaine. "It's not my idea of getting to know one another again." He looked Blaine straight in the eye. "You're taking advantage of the fact that I'm weak and that my body betrays me," Kurt whispered insistently. "I told you that I don't want us to get back together, _because I don't want to lose you_, _Blaine,_ and I still feel that we'd both screw it up if we got back together now."

"Okay," Blaine replied, sad but composed. He had probably expected Kurt to say something like that. "I don't want to lose you, too. But you're not the only weak one here, Kurt. Don't you see that it's really hard for me _not_ to love you? And I mean emotionally just as much as physically."

"Blaine..." Kurt let out a resigned sigh and looked up at Blaine again. "Please, let's not make this more confusing than it already is. At least let me get through the next six weeks before expecting anything from me." For a moment, they lost themselves in the other one's eyes, both telling the other without words how dear and irreplaceable the other one was.

"What's the assignment?" Blaine asked, clearing his throat to fend off the emotion that was starting to choke him up.

"Cocktail party," Kurt told him. "That's an easy one, actually, and I've got a pretty good idea of the suit I'm going to..."

From the corner of his eye, Kurt saw that Andrew was approaching his booth in a beeline, the man's face one of pure disgust and poorly concealed anger.

"Hold on," Kurt told Blaine and prepared for the impact.

"Kurt, you can't be serious!" Andrew spat at him, pointing at Blaine. _"He's_ your model? Your cheating ex-boyfriend? Really, Kurt?"

"Keep your voice down, Drew," Kurt said, well aware of all the stares they received.

"I don't believe this! Have some self-respect, Kurt!" Andrew continued yelling.

Blaine let out a bitter laugh from behind Kurt. _"You_ telling him to have self-respect? Do you realize how shallow that sounds coming from you?"

"Stop it, please! Both of you!" Kurt instantly stood between them to keep them from actually fighting. "Whom I choose as my model is none of your business, Andrew."

Andrew just shook his head and backed off. "It's your life. Your time," he snarled. Apparently he became aware of the scene he'd caused as several of the other contestants gathered around to get a good view. "Get back to your workstations, guys!" Andrew grumbled at them and stormed off as fast as he'd ambushed them. He left the workshop altogether.

"I'm sorry about that," Kurt said to Blaine the second Andrew was gone.

"I didn't expect anything else from him." Blaine said with a snort, stepping off the pedestal.

"Are you guys okay?" Adam asked, genuinely worried and leaning over the partition.

"Yes, thanks. Sorry for the disruption," Kurt said, hating the fact that everyone's eyes were on him. He sat down on a chair to escape the stares. Adam took the hint and vanished behind his wall again.

"I'm sorry I yelled back at him," Blaine said, sitting down next to him. "I promise, next time he makes a scene I'll play it cool. I won't embarrass you like that, okay? I can't guarantee that's what he's doing, though."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," Kurt said, rubbing his forehead. "He's just hurt. I should've told him earlier about you helping me out."

Blaine narrowed his eyes at Kurt. "You're not really worried about _his feelings?_ Kurt, he's not worth any of your..."

Kurt held up a hand to make Blaine stop talking. "I have a suit to design. Let's focus on that."

Blaine bit down on his lips and took a deep calming breath through his nose. "Yes, you're right."

* * *

The hours passed by and Blaine got pretty bored. He made a mental note to bring his textbooks or a novel around tomorrow. Every now and then Kurt would ask him to try on a rough cut of a shirt or dinner jacket but Kurt's focus was always on the task at hand and he didn't even ask for Blaine's opinion.

One time Kurt asked him to go and get coffee from a coffee station at the far end of the room. Blaine obliged happily and got to talk to some of the other bored models, which was fun. But he didn't want to linger too long and get lost in conversation. He always kept an eye on Kurt, but his worry was unnecessary, because Andrew didn't show up anymore tonight.

It was close to midnight and closing time. Everybody bustled around to get some last stitches done before they had to leave. Blaine stifled a yawn. Kurt had dismissed him already an hour ago, but Blaine had insisted on staying for as long as Kurt stayed and going home together.

"Hey, Kurt," Adam leaned casually over the wall, both arms resting on the top. Blaine didn't like the way the other man's eyes twinkled at Kurt. "Say, when will you be here tomorrow?"

"Uhm." Kurt clearly didn't expect this question. "I still have to work for Isabelle, so I can't be here in the morning. I think I'll be here by three in the afternoon. Why are you asking?"

"Three? Sounds good. I still have classes that I don't want to miss, so I'll be working afternoons and evenings mostly, too."

"Okay," Kurt said with a nervous little laugh. Why was Adam telling him this?

"What do you say we meet up for coffee tomorrow before we enter the madhouse?" Adam suggested. "There's a cute little coffee shop just around the corner. It's really lovely there."

"Uh, I don't know," Kurt replied. He looked at Blaine who was busy ignoring Adam and this conversation, acting like a true prop.

"Oh, come on, Kurt," Adam said, folding his hands in plea. "You can't say nay to coffee and a little chat? My treat."

"Okay," Kurt finally said with a smile. "I'll meet you there at three."

"Yay!" Adam flashed him his brightest smile and Kurt's heart started fluttering. He was glad when Adam turned away again and didn't see him blush. This time it was Kurt avoiding Blaine's gaze.

* * *

As Kurt and Blaine arrived home, Rachel came into the living room wearing her paisley pajamas, her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"You're back," she said, flopping down on the couch with Blaine. "Did anything exciting happen after I was gone?"

"Not really," Kurt said, placing his satchel on a chair next to the table.

"Except for Andrew attacking us, of course," Blaine said with a snarl.

"He did _what?"_ Rachel's eyes got big.

"He made it very clear that he didn't like _me_ around," Blaine explained.

"I told you that I'm going to talk to Andrew about that tomorrow," Kurt said wearily. "He behaved like an idiot and I'm going to tell him to stop. Okay?"

"Oh, and Kurt's got a date tomorrow," Blaine blurted out, not even trying to hide his disgruntlement.

"A date?" Rachel exclaimed, her head jerking towards Kurt.

"Adam asked me if I'd want to join him for coffee before we start working tomorrow," Kurt explained calmly, doing his best to ignore Blaine's unreasonable jealously.

"You're going out for coffee with _Adam?"_ Rachel asked surprised. "Why? I told you that he's a loser at NYADA!"

"It's not a date!" Kurt insisted. "And I don't care how lousy you think he is at NYADA."

"Well, you better watch out," Rachel advised. "Perhaps he wants to drop a Valium into your cup so you get all sleepy and won't be able to work."

"Oh, stop being paranoiac, Rachel," Kurt chided. "While, yes, the others would definitely be capable of such a thing, I don't think Adam is a cheater." It was just when Kurt noticed the way Blaine's face fell, that he realized his unfortunate choice of words. Oh hell, couldn't he use the word cheater around here without Blaine thinking he was using it on purpose to hurt him?

"You really like this British guy?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, give me a break! I only met him! But yes, he's a nice guy," Kurt said, defending himself. "And with that bunch of maniacs there, it's really comforting to have at least one ally. Besides, British accent is hot," Kurt said with a shrug.

"You think so?" Blaine said with a snort and a shake of his head. He didn't know why he felt jealous. It just hadn't occurred to him that Kurt would meet possible love interests at the show.

"Again, it's not a date," Kurt repeated, growing annoyed with Blaine's insecurities. "You've met him, Blaine. Tell me you don't think he's nice."

"He's nice, alright," Blaine admitted with a shrug.

"I just go out with him to check out the competition," Kurt explained to him. "I'd go out for a coffee with the others, too, if they asked me."

"You don't have to explain to me," Blaine said, still sulking. "We're not together. You can date other guys."

Kurt drew in a deep breath. He gave up. He didn't care if Blaine decided to act like a pouting five-year-old. Hell, he wasn't going to pamper Blaine and assure him that he would never ever want to date another man.

"So can you," Kurt replied coldly and turned on his heels to disappear behind his bedroom curtain.

Blaine stared after Kurt, flabbergasted. Would Kurt really not care if he started dating other guys?

"Well done," Rachel slapped Blaine over the head. "Jealousy isn't sexy, Blaine. Show more confidence."

"But..."

Rachel slapped him again. "No more pouting, Blaine. God, even I would rather have coffee with that British pal than with you."

She got up and walked off, too.

Blaine stayed on the couch for a while longer, thinking about buying his own bed.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! :)**

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